• 95 Posts
  • 19 Comments
Joined 3 年前
Cake day: 2023年11月3日
  • vestmoria@linux.communityOPtoAsklemmy@lemmy.ml•Am I being unreasonable holding my ground here? about a funeralEnglish
    2·
    1 小时前

    Spending 2-3 hours at the funeral home with his open casket, is a more personal way to say your farewells and honour him.

    as said, I wouldn’t mind a small Christian funeral where I could vet visitors. I’m all for a personal, even intimate farewell, but he wants the crowd.

    Scattering his ashes at an agreed location of shared importance for the both of you, can be a powerful final goodbye.

    Things I proposed already:

    • burn his corpse, use the ashes to grow a tree, small ceremony with me, mother and brother. Even with a priest.

    • burn his corpse to scatter his ashes on a river of his choosing, small ceremony with me, mother and brother. Even with a priest.

    • burn his corpse, put the ashes in three small containers so each of us makes his own ritual.

    • not burn the corpse, simply put the corpse in a hole, plant a tree over the corpse.

    he wants the Christian cross with the crowd next to his mother. And me there, even if I feel is stupid. This is to be taken literally, he has already bought a place for my corpse to be buried next to him.

    I feel he doesn’t care about how this makes me feel, which I guess happens to so many families when conflicts like this arise.

  • vestmoria@linux.communityOPtoAsklemmy@lemmy.ml•Am I being unreasonable holding my ground here? about a funeralEnglish
    4·
    6 小时前

    yours is an interesting post, I’ll try to rebut it.

    I don’t want to honor an important person by having to deal with people I don’t like, that in the past stated very clearly they don’t like my mother to the point of calling her a gold digger (and worse).

    Something I’ll never understand is why my father is so accommodating with people like that for family’s sake. To me that makes him weak and lets others walk all over him, even to the point of disrespecting his own wife for ‘family’. This I’ll never understand.

    To me doing what you propose means turning something pure into a show, a theatrical production.

    I’ll have to talk to my mother about this. If he goes first, she’s the one who’ll decide.

  • vestmoria@linux.communityOPtoAsklemmy@lemmy.ml•Am I being unreasonable holding my ground here? about a funeralEnglish
    4·
    7 小时前

    He isn’t going to bar his sisters from attending his funeral

    true, but my mother might. There is really that much animosity.

    As a matter of fact, on one of my great grandfather’s funeral 2 brothers banded together to exclude a third one from the funeral. According to my father, this person had to leave the cemetery but then climbed up a tree next to the wall to watch the ceremony.

    So there is already a precedent about excluding unwanted visitors from a funeral in my completely normal family 🤣

  • vestmoria@linux.communityOPtoAsklemmy@lemmy.ml•A curious conversation with a coworker who enjoys her job. How many of you like your job?English
    2·
    16 天前

    That doesn’t make any sense.

    if what I described happens anywhere, why even change jobs?

    Why is this such a big deal to you. So what if your co-workers enjoy their work. That has nothing to do with you.

    because I feel this is a trap where I’m supposed to say that I love my job more than anything, because I think this is how managers search for the ones who only want a paycheck and to leave work stuff at the workplace, because I work to live, not live to work, because I only want to do my hours and enjoy my life away from my coworkers, because managers actively search for the ones who drink the kool-aid and believe they will get a promotion if they just try harder, because the ones who ‘enjoy’ their jobs are the ones happy to work for the manager for free, because the ones who ‘like’ their jobs are the ones less likely to establish boundaries (and enjoy being exploited).

    Trying harder just means you get a pat on your back and a bigger shovel, not a raise.