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Joined 2 years ago
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Cake day: June 15th, 2023

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  • Others have already pointed out that we’re indoctrinated into the myths of American exceptionalism and rugged individualism from a young age. I very much agree, but those myths are only part of it.

    That indoctrination, combined with our lack of safety nets, shows up as a hypercompetitive attitude. (“It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there.”) We feel pressured to be the very best so we might earn the privilege of feeling secure and stable. Trash-talking and bragging are hamfisted attempts to portray high status.

    If you look at our social injustice issues through that lens, the injustice makes a certain kind of disgusting, antisocial sense. One who’s internalized the hypercompetitiveness will look at someone lying in the middle of the ground in a public city and think: they just aren’t trying hard enough, they just couldn’t compete. We look to others’ misfortunes for reassurance that we’re good enough, that we’re at the front of the pack. To make oneself smaller, to put oneself second, becomes unthinkable. (“Second place is first loser.”)


  • Can you experiment with using nonverbal communication to signal that you’re ready to go? Things like:

    • If standing, shift your feet so they’re pointing away from the person (if ineffective, can escalate by rotating the whole leg away, which you can then escalate by shifting more weight to the turned-away leg)
    • If sitting, put your hands to your knees/lower thighs (think an extremely subtle version of the Midwest USA joke where you slap your knees and say “welp!”)
    • If sitting at your desk, gradually begin rotating back to your work (gently swivel seat back so your legs are under the table, can escalate by rotating your torso back to your work while keeping only your head turned, and if they’re still super clueless you can return your hands to your keyboard/work as well)







  • You discovered the problem in time, and you took her for prompt veterinary care. You absolutely deserve your pets!

    The only thing more aggressively suicidal than a dog/cat is a human toddler. It’s impossible to stop your pets from getting into everything.

    My cats have eaten more than their share of plastic, mainly because my natural state is “wasn’t there something in my hand a minute ago? Where could it be? And what could it possibly have been?! Ooh look I see snacks!” Luckily they’ve always horked it back up, but I worry that one day they won’t puke in time.

    So, I try to be careful not to set down plastic, even going so far as to mutter, “Don’t open your hand. Go to the trash. Do NOT open your HAND. You are going to the trash. After that come back and <finish the thing>. DO NOT OPEN your stupid HAND! You are going to the trash can. Then go back and <finish the thing>. But first the trash can. But DON’T open…” and so on, for the entire time it takes me to throw the thing away and (ideally) return to what I was doing.

    It takes enormous effort to keep the house perfectly safe. Making housekeeping my hobby didn’t work well for me. So instead I know my pets and their normal behaviors, keep a good pet insurance policy, and call the vet when there’s anything weird that’s taking too long to resolve.

    You’re giving your pets a much better life than they’d have at the shelter. So, yes, you DO deserve them, and they deserve you.






  • I use a portable AC - this is different from a window unit. The unit itself stands up inside your room, and it has a flexy hose that goes into a flat panel that’s about 10 inches high and expandable widthwise. You lift the window a bit, put the flat panel in the open spot, then close the window so the light pressure keeps the flat panel in place. It’s all on the indoors side of the screen, so it counts as being inside your house and nobody can complain.

    (Assumptions: you have the typical American sliding windows, and your HOA doesn’t have rules about the inside of your house like curtain color or whatever)