hexaflexagonbear [he/him]

  • 332 Posts
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Joined 5 years ago
Cake day: July 29th, 2020
  • hexaflexagonbear [he/him]@hexbear.nettomarxism@hexbear.net•Vladimir I Lenin "So long as the state exists there is no freedom. When there is freedom, there will be no state" - New General Megathread for the 21st-24th of April 2025English
    9·
    2 days ago

    Some details for why I finally cracked and think I might be on the spectrum. I’ve definitely struggled forming and maintaining friendships and romantic relationships my entire life. But always laughed it off like “oh haha, yeah all it takes is for a woman to sit in my lap and laugh at everything I say for me to realize they’re into me” (very literally true).

    I was hanging out with my best friend, who for context I had (have?) a crush on, and very awkwardly asked out 17 years ago, and had a pretty extreme reaction to the rejection at the time (not violent, just like more tearful than is reasonable). Over the past 17 years she has never told me about ever having a boyfriend. For a while I actually was just like oh she must not be into relationships like that at all, and even used it as justification when I decided I’d just give up trying to date and consider myself well-adjusted. Then later I picked up on something between her roommate and her that made me go “oh she must be seeing someone” (not the roommate). I decided she’s probably just not telling me to spare my feelings, which in itself felt hurtful because I figured she shouldn’t shelter me and she should share that part of her life with me. I brought this up and she told me that she was “obviously” dating people as a well-adjusted person with a social group and also that it’s normal to only want to tell a very small handful of people which can exclude some of your close friends. I don’t know, this whole thing seems so far beyond my comprehension, like figuring out that yeah a well-adjusted adult that isn’t aroace is probably dating people isn’t that extreme for me to conclude, but I don’t immediately jump to it and the reasoning behind her never telling me about a date she’s having or something for almost two decades isn’t something I can comprehend.

    I don’t think she did anything wrong, I take her word for it that it’s normal. It’s just difficult for me to parse.