it was my hope that explaining things the way i had would expose OP’s contradictory behavior, although i would certainly hear you out if you felt i could have approached it better

i added my 2c because i thought OP might be more amenable if the point about the woman who had been abused was conceded, as well as trying to clear up the understanding about why we gauge people based on how they gender people they don’t like

i think you’re probably right about them feeling directly empathic about the situation, although i don’t think that excuses the way they were behaving. they were pretty clear upfront about defending the woman who had been abused, so i feel like if they had an equally understandable story, they would have been upfront about it as well. of course, that is an assumption on my part, which could be incorrect, but i think questioning why they felt like their behavior was OK was fair

Banning is language control

yyyyyyyyes, you’re correct. what i meant in my post was more like, we cannot control what OP thinks or how OP speaks of people personally. like, we literally have no power there. i intended to juxtapose that with what you’ve mentioned, banning and such, but perhaps i wasn’t as clear as i could have been

i hear what you’re saying about issuing a warning vs a ban, although they had a direct dialogue with ada about the situation, so not sure how much more of a warning would have been effective. and, you know, sometimes one does want to just silence the opposition; it’s not every person or every space’s job to be persuasive and understanding; as you say, we are an online safe space for trans people, not the government. i definitely don’t disagree with ada’s moderation style for LBZ, and i don’t disagree with her choice here, either

the things you’re explaining are things i’ve been thinking about, though, so i appreciate you saying them, regardless

so uh, generally, as transgender people and allies, we use one’s respect of a transgender person’s gender as a gauge of how valid they perceive the self identification of gender

and this includes trans people who have done shitty things, committed crimes, or, as in your case, been abusive

we use this as a gauge because it reflects how much the viewer believes that respect of gender identity is a right vs a privilege. if a trans person commits a crime or wrongs you, and you decide misgendering that person is OK, then it would seem you think treating trans people as their gender is revocable i.e. a privilege, not a right

it’s not so much “hurting our feelings” as, indicating to us, that trans rights are not important to you, or that the transgender identity is only worth respecting if you’re a “good person”, or whatever you judge is such

now, i will say, it’s completely understandable that the woman you’re talking about has trouble gendering her abuser correctly, for many reasons you have pointed out, and i think it would have been good for her to have been met with more compassion, since this can be a difficult thing even for people coming from less abusive circumstances

however, i would also note that you are misgendering her abuser, and you have no such defense, so why do you feel like it’s alright to misgender someone because they’re an abuser? you say you’re a staunch defender of LGBTQ rights, but for the reasons i explained above, those actions are not reflective of that ideal

defending this abused woman, in this case, makes a lot of sense. but you have no defense for misgendering her abuser, you were not the one abused, so why are you doing it?

obviously, we can’t control your language. however, free speech is not a guaranteed right, here in this community, and honestly, i would advocate for you to be banned here, too, since it really seems like you care more about your ability to misgender someone because you think they’re bad, rather than recognize that trans people can do bad things, and we can still condemn that (and honestly, insult them and call them bastards or whatever), without having to resort to misgendering them and furthering the normalization of delegitimizing trans people

i long to see the woke sky…

do you game or do other hobbies that keep your hands busy but your ears open? throw up some of those self love affirmation videos off youtube, the ones you’re supposed to listen to while sleeping. i can’t speak for if they work while you sleep, they’d keep me up, but they work great as essentially background noise and help your mood and self compassion improve over time

this is true but absolutely not something most people believe, saying it is a good way to get most people to think you’re full of it if you’re trying to persuade them of something else

ace rule

if i misinterpreted the tone of your post, i apologize, but i wanted to clarify in case you weren’t aware, that is what the post is about; that bone colored thing is an animal limb (orange tabby cat sticking to their arm through from behind the fridge door)

instead of braces, you can get surgery and fix your jaw that way, which will also move your jaw forward and (maybe, i guess?) eliminate the need for a chin enhancing implant

there’s not like a problem if you do get braces, but you could kill two birds with one stone instead of spending the time and effort on braces and then getting chin enhancing FMS

if you like your chin and don’t plan to get FMS, just get braces, though

honestly first good use of “slams” in a headline

Astonishingly, the ruling specifies that what it calls “women living in the male gender”—i.e., trans men, and cis women whose appearance is deemed masculine—“could also be excluded” alongside cis men, from women’s spaces. “Not being allowed into the mens by rule does not mean you have the right to go into the ladies,” clarified the leading anti-trans campaigner Maya Forstater; “That may seem unfair, but these are life choices people make. If you make extreme efforts to look like a man don’t be surprised if you are denied entrance to ladies.” Forstater’s comments underscore the ultimate goal of TERFs and other transphobes: to expunge trans people from public life.

that’s crazy they really secured the right to kick ANYONE out of a “woman’s space” and said “it’s not my problem if you can’t go anywhere”. so much for not being transphobic, they won’t even give us “separate but equal”

mississippi is fuuuuuuucked (up):

Mississippians as young as 17 years old (for boys) and 15 years old (for girls) may get married. They may have a child and choose a name for that child. But the courts denied the name change request of SBM, a trans man with the full support of his parents in his transition, because they found 18 years old is not an adequate age to ensure “maturity” and warrant such a “life-altering” decision.

Unlike most states, Mississippi’s “age of majority,” or the age where the state recognizes someone as an adult, is 21, not 18. This means Mississippians under 21 years old cannot enter legally binding contracts in many instances, without parental sign-off.

…

In addition, it threatens to thrust Mississippians of all backgrounds into the epicenter of a constitutional crisis. The ruling and its rollout could call the 26th Amendment into question, which lowered the voting age to 18 after the mass conscription of young people during the Vietnam War. It also tests the Full Faith and Credit Clause, which requires states to respect the records-keeping of other states (such as name changes and marriage licenses); Mississippians’ 14th Amendment right to due process; and an individual’s First Amendment rights.

they didn’t just override the trans boy but also his parents LMAO this is so fucked up

there are many who consider themselves completely (straight / gay) and don’t mind their partner’s natal genetalia, too, and i think it’s transphobic to consider them “more bisexual” and invalidate their identity

since bisexual is a valid identity, let’s not push it on people who haven’t opted into it

otherwise, those people are welcome to think what they may. just like i think that people who view it that way need to unpack their internalized transphobia, but that’s “just my opinion”, just like you posted yours

reminder that trans women are women and attraction to them (if you’re a man) is straight

(i’m aware of the rest of your post but felt like this was a good thing to bring up)

crazy how much of this is being driven by cis women with bruised egos

obviously, not the majority. but like, damn lmfao, learn to take an L

disk golf? really?

wait is that like… “tomodachi an ideal life” is the fundamental pillar supporting the unaliving yourself ideation?? LOL

was this not the state where two trans representatives flipped the anti trans bill? or was that somewhere else i’m forgetting?

yeah idk, i’m not a huge fan of it, even as a pretty cis passing trans guy, but i suppose i’m not really the target of the meme either (i don’t really meet the strict criteria of “straightest guy you’ve ever seen”)

lmaoooo damn yeah i was gonna be like, no way is north carolina passing pro trans shit in 2025

these motherfuckers are just causing trouble to cause it, ffs