God and with my hair up it’s so cute too! Having bangs really really suits me, I missed them so much

I also just love the experience of putting on one of my go-to outfits for the first time post-haircut. It feels like all of them have a new vibe now despite being the exact same. A nice hit of euphoria each time.

Its been about a month since I got my haircut, and now that its grown a little I’ve realised that rn my hair is exactly what I wanted when I was a little kid. Only took like 20 years but I got it, eventually. Nowadays I like it longer, but it’s still nice to be at this length from time to time, and I love my current style regardless. It’s cute and a little boyish but in a femme way and I love it.

I am dead tired though, gonna head home and watch Gundam or smth until my brain shuts down and I can sleep so I can hang out with friends clothes shopping tomorrow :)

First full week of work just about done, feeling great now actually. Turns out, I might, shockingly, actually be good at leading people. I can’t believe this. It’s not like they hired me to do this or something. Nuh uh. This is totally unexpected. /s

Yeah, there’s a lot that can be done with trans characters that just. Isn’t. And so I kinda want to do a little bit of it, for fun

The initial plan was to have the other lead be cis but I never quite ended out developing her… The t4t potential is definitely there and could be super fun though! Might end out doing it lol. Really depends on how I want to emphasise things, like if I’m trying to really build on the Frankenstein stuff having a cis partner is better because it increases the distance between the two for Talis (android) to eventually recognise and get past. Kinda like how Paradise Lost is used in Frankenstein proper, where it becomes a big focal point for the monster’s view of the world, but also a way to emphasise his distance from people after he was rejected by Victor in contrast to God’s treatment of humans. As a being who was rejected, does he have any space in society at all? And what I wanted to do with this initially was write a story where the answer is an emphatic yes, despite the differences and difficulties. All the while also playing into the emergence of an identity and consciousness and how that interacts with gender.

It feels great, doesn’t it?~

One of the ones that’s been floating around my head for years now has an android as one of the romantic leads. I came up with it while on a classic scifi kick and I wanted to play with a lot of themes from stuff like Frankenstein in regards to artificial persons. Said android is also trans because I thought it would be a fun vector for that too. Exploring how a being created without a set gender might nonetheless have one due to their desires, and how that would develop as they gradually develop their sense of personhood, all pulling from Butler among others.

🤭 The first bit might not entirely be a joke…

Neither can capture the depths of the slow burn romances I thrive off of. I need 200+ pages before they realise they like each other and then at least another 500 going through their relationship slowly building up. The courting period alone ought to last 300…

More seriously, by experience I meant romantic experience. I’ve only had one relationship turn official and even it only lasted a few weeks. I’m a pretty good academic writer so the size isn’t daunting, though I do definitely need to get better at fiction writing.

I feel like I should write a romance novel despite having so little experience. I feel like I’d be good at writing the coyness and angst. And it just seems fun.

It has been a week and my boss has already clocked my victorian romance lead vibes

Simple stuff I tend to like is just brushing and styling my hair, or getting out of work/school clothes into some casual femme stuff as soon as I’m home.

Idk, I think it’s sweet to be the one protecting your lady as she slumbers. Being the knight of her dreams. Telling her sweet nothings, holding her close, letting her feel safe as you caress her hair…

Dammit I need to date again

Gender Trouble’s prose is so bad, like winner of a bad writing award bad levels. (Admittedly that award is more just indicative of the perpetual war of Philosophy between continentals and analytics but still) Butler’s writing just… Isn’t super great. Like when I find fucking Kierkegaard and his deliberately indirect writing easier to read there is a problem.

Also doesn’t help that a lot of people reading Gender Trouble lack the assumed academic background for it, given that it’s building off of plenty of the big continentals. I don’t think I’ve ever even seen anyone online even comment on Butler’s takes on object/subject distinctions, for instance, even though I think it’s lowkey one of the most interesting parts of the text and an integral reason for why they argue their notion of gender is necessary (and the first one that made me really critical of it, since I don’t think their critique actually stands very well, I think Butler misreads Hegel and when read in that respect a lot of their other theory breaks down a little imo, but that’s neither here nor there)

Basically I wouldn’t take finding Butler difficult as a sign of not being smart, this is stuff that people need a lot of background to really understand and it isn’t expressed very clearly in their writing.