Goodness that must have been tough. Well done!

Sounds like a lot of shock and denial from your mother, but as you say, I’m sure she’ll get over it in time,

You should be very proud of yourself <3

You go girl! Well done <3

Remember how good it feels and it’ll be easier next time. You got this!

I read Mia Violet’s “Yes, you are trans enough”. The first part describing her time at school hit so close to home I felt sick. But I also realized I relate a lot to the post-transition stuff, where she talks about presenting how she wants without worrying about passing. It’s definitely freeing to wear whatever stupid outfit I want without caring what other people think. I’m still neurotic about how I’m perceived, though :3

Thanks! (That’s actually the same article I linked in my post :3 )

In the section “A Note on Oral Progesterone’s Metabolites”, Aly notes that it’s not yet known whether or not the metabolites have progestogenic effects, but I’m prepared to believe that the oral route is less effective. I’m open to trying other routes.

My pills are kind of round capsules with gel inside, so I assume they contain microscopic natural progesterone crystals, rather than synthetic progestins. But I guess it doesn’t matter too much either way.

Nice post, and congrats on starting HRT <3

Case closed! Good sleuthing 👍

Hmm yes, pinafore dress looks about right (I don’t really know all the styles yet).

You might have luck checking out UK-based shops: it looks very similar to the kind of dress you’d see as school uniform there, which is probably where a lot of the anime designs ultimately come from.

A quick search on Rakuten turned up items like this one, which is a bit different but perhaps close to the style you’re going for?

(Actually I kind of want one now…)

I mean… it is a bit weeby, but that’s no reason not to wear one. Have you tried searching for “adult size navy school dress” or something like that? Short of a cosplay store you probably won’t find anything exactly the same, but there are plenty of similar items out there.

People who in theory know me quite well have failed to recognize me (at first, at least), and I’ll go along with re-meeting them. I think that’s fine: I’m a totally different person now from who I was in the past, notwithstanding that we have a shared history. I don’t think you owe it to anyone to “come clean” about having met them before: there’s nothing wrong with starting fresh, and if challenged later on you can say exactly the same thing: you’re a different person now.

I’m not sure I can offer any advice, but I can attempt to describe my situation and maybe that will help.

I’m 40 MTF and started transitioning last summer as soon as my egg cracked; on hormones for about 8 months now. I’ve been married (to a woman) for a bit over 15 years and we have a daughter who is 13. As others have described I was becoming increasingly disengaged over time (and obese, alcoholic, and pretty unpleasant) and to be honest was probably not too many years away from leaving the world altogether. As a result, relations with my wife have been strained (and definitely not intimate) to say the least,

When I came out, my wife was unsurprised (“you’ve always had that kind of an air about you”) and cautiously supportive: she described a kind of platonic sister-like relationship, which even I could see would be an improvement from where we were. She’s not romantically interested in women, but (claims to be) not particularly bothered about not having a male partner. I hadn’t been meeting that role anyway. We talked about my transition plans: I wanted to start to live as a woman; HRT would potentially risk my fertility, but we weren’t realistically going to have any more children anyway; I wasn’t sure about whether I wanted surgery or to change my name (spoiler: both). She was OK with that, affirmed that I should live how I want, didn’t plan on separating, and volunteered that she’d be understanding if I decided later on that I was into men instead. She did mention that it would probably take a while to get used to the new situation.

My daughter was on board from the get-go and has been 100% supportive. She says I’m a lot easier to get along with now.

There have been a couple of stumbling blocks with the wife. First is a lingering resentment of my past actions: I’ve been a very shitty (but not unfaithful or physically abusive) husband, and she can be (understandably) pretty icy towards me on occasion. This boiled over one day when she was unhappy that I’d started wearing a bra. We talked about it: we’d already discussed I was transitioning and that this was probably not what she was really upset about; how I want to get on better terms but needed her cooperation. She talked about various things I’d said and done in the past that made her upset and we’d fought about; I accepted and apologized. Crisis over.

Second; I picked a new name (in fact it was one my wife suggested), tried it out at the local LGBT space and decided I wanted to use it full-time. Wife said she’d have to think about it, and kept using my old name. After a couple of months this was really starting to wear me down, and I talked to her about dysphoria and how it was a big deal to me. She still wasn’t comfortable using my new name, but agreed to stop using the old one and was OK with me changing it legally. I assume she’s still having trouble letting go the old me, or perhaps her ideal of what I could have been. My daughter makes a point to use my new name often, for which I’m very grateful.

Since then I’ve been steadily shifting my presentation more and more femme, although since I’m at home most of the time I’m usually in pretty androgynous casual wear. My wife has been cool with that, and although I don’t recall going out together with me in 100% unambiguous femme mode, I don’t think she’d have a problem with it.

Going forward, I don’t know what will happen. Maybe I’ll decide I like men after all and find a new partner. Maybe my wife will decide she doesn’t want to be married to a woman after all. Maybe we’ll figure out a platonic cohabiting relationship, or it’ll become an open marriage. Or maybe my wife will rediscover an attraction for me. It’s pretty much out of my control, and the only thing to do is take life one day at a time.

ADDENDUM: I thought of some comments and advice.

• If your wife is anything like me, it’s easy to accidentally talk on auto-pilot and say things that fit the conversation but have no relation to what you are actually thinking or feeling. Don’t overthink it :3
• Similarly, don’t expect your wife to immediately have a rational, complete, or consistent response to your transition. It really will take time to get used to. Her opinions may (and probably will) change.
• Absolutely do not pretend you can repress yourself to conform to something that is not you. It won’t work. Everyone will be sad.
• You’re going to have to let go of who you thought you were. So is your wife.
• Your marriage is not going to turn out how you used to imagine it. It might be better, or it might not work out. You need to be prepared for both eventualities, and you probably can’t tell yet which it will be.
• It’s OK to compromise on some things. Maybe your wife will too. But don’t rely on it.

Yes… because I definitely don’t have those already :3

/checks to make sure wardrobe is closed

Well, truck nuts are a thing, so…

I hear that. Good luck though, you’ll get there eventually!

Ha ha, yes I was also getting jealous of women in light skirts and dresses this weekend. Keep getting stuck in a loop of “wish I could wear that… wait, I can… but should I…”, even though there’s no reason not to.

I asked my doctor about progesterone, because yolo. Her response was that WPATH doesn’t recommend it, but some people see improved breast development so she’ll prescribe it if I want. My goodness that stuff is expensive! I’m on 100mg oral so not expecting much, but I’ll report back if anything fun happens. It does seem to be helping me sleep a bit better, although that could just be the metabolites.

Late to the party as usual I played through Doki Doki Literature Club. Good game, and I can’t believe I managed to avoid too many spoilers this long! I had fun analyzing the characters afterwards too, iykwim.

ikr, some people are really fast! 8 mo here and technically an A cup, but only just. I’ve been losing a lot of weight though, so I guess I’m lucky I have anything at all!

Counterweights :3

Yes! Things that take a long time (roughly in descending order) are:

1. Growing your hair out (although wigs and extensions can help in the meantime)
2. Hair removal (laser; electrolysis takes more time)
3. Voice training (it really is training: the techniques are pretty easy to get the hang of; you just need to keep working at it to make it second nature)
4. Getting enough time on hormones to start reading as feminine

Can I have one of each please?

Oh, dear–the closet wasn’t even glass! I do get the “almost like I’m gay, but for women” thing, though.

Funny thing about imposter syndrome: I can reflect on past signs all day long and still feel it, but thinking about the joy I get from presenting femme or the effects of HRT puts it to bed. Or rather, I don’t care if I’m faking it if I get to feel this good. Euphoria is the way to go!