Make sure you write an esé when you finish.

Todd: “it just works.”

Modder: “yeah, you’re welcome.”

I heard it wasn’t his ability on the field, it’s that nobody wants fucking Primetime Jr on their team.

Lujan-Grisham would be my bet. She told the drillers and loggers to fuck of, as well.

More than once, I’ve packed a bowl, only to need search and rescue to locate the suddenly missing lighter. That I’m clutching. In my hand…

I love taking advantage of that whole “where’s my phone” panic.

Say we go grab a beer after work. I’ll take a picture of your phone when you go to the restroom, and then after you go home, I’ll send you a text with the picture of your phone saying “you forgot your phone.” People seem to forget they’ve received that text…on their phone.

Another one i did once was after meeting my gf for lunch, she had school and i had work. We’re side-by-side at a red light, so i call her and ask if she knows where she put her phone. And i watched through the window as she proceeded her tear her car to ribbons as she can’t find her phone in her car. My giggles are what gave the game away.

Nah. He’s “just some schmuck.” TURNIP HAS SPOKEN.

Wow! This is amazing! This garden vegetable is talking! I mean, it’s completely wrong, but god damn! Talking veggies!

“What? Who cares? YOU’LL WATCH IT. Fuck you.”

They don’t have the cards.

Drops on the deck and flops like a fish

The limited time I’ve spent on the subway in NYC has taught me that if there’s ever an empty car that rolls up, there’s a good fucking reason it’s empty, and take the next one.

Dang, that’s crazy. Join me next week to see me react to another crazy video!

Where are alien abductions when you need them?

“Who the fffuch’re yoo, Bro?! Thish ish MY fucheen offish, BRO!”

For the Watch.

You win the Internet today.

Ugh. That shit is so frustrating.

“I hope you’re free for about a month, man!”

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