Well, there’s a coincidence. I just ran a 5k. First one I ever ran without stopping (second one ever). Been training since January. Believe it or not I got first in my age group. :-D It’s not that impressive, though. My age group (which is already over 50) was one of the slowest in the race. And I wouldn’t have gotten first in any other age group less than 80 years old. LOL. Even so I enjoyed it and I’m already thinking how to improve my time.
Since chatting someone up is out of the question for me
Why? Are you unable to speak? Are you unwilling to try? Because it sounds like you’re hopeless about the idea of meeting someone and you don’t feel like your own efforts could possibly help.
I don’t see why the man must start this dance.
The truth is that nobody, regardless of gender, wants to put themselves in a position where they could be rejected. And women usually don’t need to. While you’re leaning against the wall waiting for that woman to start talking with you another guy will approach her and ask her out. We all want to feel like someone is interested in us. It’s flattering. It makes us feel good. And your question makes it clear you’re unwilling to put the effort into showing you are interested. You want someone else to show they are interested in you. That way you don’t have to risk anything. But low risk means low reward.
This may sound harsh, but I do understand where you’re coming from. I went through this myself. One thing that helped me was learning to let go of any expectations when approaching and talking with someone. Try to understand you aren’t there to pick her up, seduce her, or whatever. You are just there to talk. Everyone is interesting in some way. Practice asking people about themselves. You’ll be awkward at first. You’ll mess up and be embarrassed. But keep trying. If you can let go of your own desires and just be curious it will take you far. And talk with everyone you meet. Men, women, old, young, don’t discriminate. It’ll help you realize it’s just a conversation.
Also, put one of those sticky name tags on your shirt. “Hi my name is Tudsamfa”. It makes people more comfortable knowing your name.
It’s pretty clear what the consensus is here. Yes, talk with women. You can even (politely) hit on women you fancy. Based on your statement about yourself it’s unlikely you would be pushy and threatening if she said no, but still, just understand when to stop.
Next question is how to get there from where you are. You’re scared you would be seen as a threat, harassing women just by talking to them out of the blue. So you doubtless have little experience talking with women. That’s where you are.
I see two possible paths to take. Which one is right depends on why you feel that way. If it’s an emotional issue, like if you (for instance) start shaking and sweating at the thought of walking up to a woman and introducing yourself, then maybe start by talking with a therapist. They can be really helpful. On the other hand if you are just nervous because you don’t know how to talk with a woman then look into learning how to make small talk. It’s actually a skill. It’s something you can learn. And once you have learned it and practiced it enough that you are comfortable with it, then approaching and talking with a woman is just about starting and having a conversation. You can even practice with guys if it makes you more comfortable. A quick google search produces a bunch of good ideas on how to start.
Now you have homework. Learn how to carry a conversation. Learn to make people feel comfortable around you. Learn to actually be interested in other people. It shows and it makes a difference.
EDIT: In a reply to another comment you mentioned severe violence in your childhood and the resultant fear as a major deterrent in approaching people. That’s definitely something to see a therapist about. You can work through stuff like that in time. And you’ll be amazed how much more free you feel once you have.
I just got a high priority request to write a couple of VBA macros to fetch data from a database then use it to make a bunch of API queries. I know VBA about as well as I know Chinese or Icelandic. I figured out the query and told Chat GPT to use it in a macro. It wrote all the VBA code. I went through a few rounds of “fix this bug, add this feature” and now my client is happy and I didn’t have to think much about VBA. I knew what and how to ask it for what I wanted and it saved me days of searching google and reading about VBA. That’s high value to me because I don’t care about VBA and don’t really want to know how to use it.
Buddhism has no prescription for physical pain. There’s no ‘ending bodily pain’ type of meditation that I’m aware of. There are some more advanced types of meditation where you stop feeling bodily sensations, but that only lasts while you are doing the meditation. Apparently the Buddha himself suffered back pain after his own awakening. There are prominent present day Buddhist monastics dealing with pain every day. But the Buddha taught that the physical pain is only part of the story. What we do with the pain in our own minds can make it a source of anguish or not. A complete answer would deserve more than a comment on lemmy. But it would probably point toward how claiming the pain as me or mine just makes it worse. And how learning to observe it as a thing that’s happening but it isn’t me leads toward a more peaceful relationship with it. Getting there would take time and effort, but it is a thing that you can learn about.
That seems tautological?
It would be if there weren’t competing explanations. But in the Buddha’s time there were many different teachings on the causes of suffering to choose from. Some taught that your fate was written in the stars and you had no control. Some taught that karma was a substance that stuck to your soul and you had to burn it off with austerities. Some taught life had no meaning and everything about you was annihilated at death, so be a hedonist. Etc., etc. The main message the Buddha taught was your actions matter. You are in control of your fate. The suffering you experience is the result of your own choices, intentions and actions, and because of that you can make different choices and end your suffering. The four noble truths are just a condensed version of that idea.
It’s important to realize karma and rebirth was also an important part of that teaching. So, yeah, sometimes the suffering in one lifetime can be caused by actions in a previous one. But, again, what’s really important is how you respond to it. Will you turn it into a drive to find a better understanding of self and impermanence, or will you let it make you bitter and angry?
Looking at the Community rules, I don’t see ‘no Buddhism’ so let’s go
I’ve been working this program for a while and it seems pretty effective. I started with the question “what do you do when you want something you know you just can’t have?” The only real answer I could come up with was to let go of wanting it. That led down the rabbit hole and now I’m typing out the four noble truths on a lemmy memes community.
To be honest, though, it’s probably the most difficult task I’ve ever set out to achieve. So, yeah, there’s no easy fix.
I read this as a call to action for the people Musk/Trump are ordering around. If everyone just said “no, I won’t to do what you tell me” then we might avoid the collapse of the government/economy/country.
For most games I’d agree with you. But when it comes to Kojima, I don’t think it really matters. I finished the first game and, aside from delivering packages, I’d have trouble explaining what it is about. After watching the trailer for DS2 I’m thinking “okay, that’s even weirder, I recognize those faces, babies again I guess, and he’s still delivering packages it seems.”
Well, things would exist whether you’re in a capitalist economic system or not. People would make music and label their genre. People would write books and want to sell them. The real difference is who gets the profits.
If you’re linking to a paywalled site like bloomberg, could you please provide the text in the post, or link to a archive.org copy? All I know about this is the title and the first paragraph of the article. Frustrating.
Except for 2020 the 2024 election had the highest voter turnout so far this century. A lot of people were voting. Was it just more Trump supporters that turned up? He does have a way of stirring people up. He picks topics that make a certain type of person mad and that brings them out. Kamala could have responded by picking topics that inspired the left. Trump was offering a complete overhaul of the government and sweeping social changes (which he is delivering). Kamala was offering more of the same. I suspect he just brought out more people that otherwise wouldn’t have voted.
And before you start blaming me for it, I, like most of us, don’t live in a swing state. My vote literally didn’t matter.
What do you think of the police response to the Uvalde school shooting? Was it justified for them to stand around and wait while Salvador Ramos was killing other students inside? Maybe they should have just asked him nicely to stop? What about Steven Paddock in Las Vegas? Or Omar Mateen in Orlando? Would you have stood by and watched while they were shooting people? Would you have thought “I can’t know how this will turn out so I’m going to let them continue.” Or, assuming it’s the only way to stop them, would you have killed them to save a large number of innocent lives?
To make it even more clear, Omar Mateen started the trolley rolling. Would you pull the track switch so it runs over Omar Mateen? Or would you stand by and watch as it runs over 50 innocent people?
This is a hypothetical question unrelated to whether you could do anything about it with a ‘death note’ book. I’m just curious to hear your thoughts.
And just so you know, you can make your point without insulting someone.
Maybe if you used “electrocuted by a bolt of lightning” or “turned into a pillar of salt” or some other widely recognized form of divine retribution. That may be enough to distract investigators and throw them off your scent. But if not you are just revealing information that will lead the investigators right to you.
Kira/Light was thinking small. Targeting criminals already in jail is just vengeance. With a death note you have the power to reshape global politics and even all of society. Psychopaths/sociopaths often rise to top positions in business and government because they are good at deception, ruthless, and can shield themselves from the consequences of their actions. And from there their capacity to do harm to others can be immense. Luigi not only understood this, he had the courage of his convictions.
Heh, maybe I’d give the death note to Luigi.
A lot of people in the comments here are taking the high ground. “I wouldn’t use it. I’m not a killer. I’m better than that.”
But by not using it you are even more of a killer. This is a trolley problem. If you pull the right switch one evil psychopathic murderer dies, if you don’t pull the switch thousands of their innocent victims die. If you have the power to make that decision then the responsibility for the deaths falls on your shoulders, whether it’s one death or thousands.
So yeah, I’d use it. I’d start at the top of the psychopathic killer list and move down. I doubt I’d have to wonder when to stop. There are so many. But once they got the message I’d be more moderate and only use it when necessary.
they “watch what they want, when they want, where they want, and they don’t pay for it.”
Damn. Are these guys trying to sell me on being a striminal now?
I think the journal article wrap up is pretty clear.
Discussion
Higher intake of red meat, particularly processed red meat, was associated with a higher risk of developing dementia and worse cognition. Reducing red meat consumption could be included in dietary guidelines to promote cognitive health.
Score is currently 40 to 6 for the Eagles with 8 minutes left.
Thought of where that tattoo is going?
Workpro multitool often dips below $20.
The Cool Tools review on it is pretty good.
I doubt it’s polished. It’s probably a mirror wrap. Much cheaper and less effort.