I think that most people who look at me have no idea what gender I am. A lot of people I walk by end up staring at me and its awkward. I’m not sure how its happening, my outfits are usually pretty masculine so is it my face and barely visible chest that people see?
I’m not sure though it feels like I really should work on my outfits so they are more euphoric at least.
If I stared into space and then waved, would Venus wave back?
Some practice face sketches plus trying out an old style I did ages ago. Made some Anatomy Sketches ages ago that involved only using straight lines for the body, ended up liking the style back then and made a full A4 coloured pencil piece.
Probably need to practice more, liked the brush pen I used. Afterwards its trying colour.
I feel uncomfortable not knowing what to call myself, I didn’t ever relate to being a man but not really with being a woman either. I feel stuck in-between them but don’t relate to Non-Binary either. My gender while not something I thought about a lot when I was a child, looking back I felt possibly gender-less and the confusion of ‘oh hey actually there is a big difference between boys and girls, stay on your side’ makes figuring out my gender now very frustrating. Doesn’t help I dress mostly masculine and so get seen as a guy when I’m not, I did dress in an alternative feminine style wearing only skirts, even seen as a girl, though haven’t in ages.
I used to go with Non-Binary a bit before starting HRT and it didn’t really fit me, I probably need to see what labels are out there and compare them to how I feel.
Honestly it doesn’t really feel like a kind of imposter syndrome I just feel awkward that I can’t figure out whatever gender I’ll end up as, but you are right its just time needs to go on.
I haven’t heard of that show before but that theory might work out? I’m not good at reading subtext or looking further into the meaning of plots (i need to read books more).
My gender feels like a mess right now. I’m definitely not a guy but feel awkward being called or calling myself a girl. It feels comfortable to be referred to with she/her pronouns but I can’t really see myself as a woman. Now that I’ve accepted myself as trans I’ve started to look back at who I was previously, and how obviously trans younger me was. A lot of my memories are now trans-coded and that gives context for my past, but also brings more questions of my identity as a whole.
Started watching Evangelion this month for the first time. Leaving thoughts on the show for another time, Shinji felt really trans-coded to me, mainly because some of his behaviour was very trans and what I did when I was younger. I couldn’t really relate to guys and kinda inherited behaviour from girls, something I noticed Shinji do. I haven’t finished the show so I’m leaving any analysis for afterwards but I did see something about Shinji being originally written as a girl.
UP WITH TRANS!
Completed Hotline Miami 2: Wrong Number this week.Its very intensive, frustrating and rewarding all at the same time. But: why can enemies kill you off screen when you can’t see and respond to them!!! Good sound design and music, the sudden stop of the level music once its complete and a change of track is a good feature. I guess it grounds you into realising what you have done to complete the level; sure its a video game and the violence is fictional but its almost as if what you’ve done is impacting the story progression.
I don’t quite understand the story but its seemed interesting and has some depth that’s probably worth delving into when I go through again on Hard mode.
I also went back to the Splatoon series this weekend. Was Splatoon 1’s 11th anniversary so I hopped into the Pretendo servers for a bit. Seems to be a reasonable amount still playing and possibly new players judging from the player levels. Though it could be long-term players trying a new save instead of porting their old one over, though others have (including me). I had my Splatoon 3 muscle memory after over a year after not playing, was nice to see that my skill level didn’t drop. Though the issue of being on a losing streak when playing with a less aggressive gear-set is still there. Will be good to just hop in Splatoon 3 every now and then for some intensive matches and it was also nice to re-remember all the lore that honestly got me fascinated with the series. Though looking back into it raises some questions into how the English localisation severely differs and portrays some of the world differently, some of it worryingly.