AppetiteOfExcess [she/her]

  • 4 Posts
  • 75 Comments
Joined 12 days ago
cake
Cake day: October 27th, 2026

help-circle















  • I’m in all of these and I don’t like it.

    CW: trauma, reference to past SI

    Add in some dynamics of being the golden child who was manipulated into verbally abusing her scapegoat mother by her psychotic (as in literally regularly falling into psychosis) stepdad. But still not really being treated badly directly and wondering why people don’t hate me like I hate myself.

    Also, getting swept up in the “skeptic” to alt-right pipeline and adopting a gamergater 8chan chud mindset largely because I wanted other people to hate me as much as I hated myself so I could finally be totally cut off from everyone and not feel bad about killing myself (simultaneously Brace and Jax coded, somehow).

    I’ve always felt like a perpetrator who needs to be executed for my misdeeds, not a victim.





  • Thank you. I’m crying reading this. Admitting to myself that I’m trans has been the only thing that’s given me even a tiny amount of faith in a future for myself.

    I lost so much of my ability to want things. I’m not even sure what I want to do in my time on this Earth because the brainworms have eaten seemingly all of my ability to ever feel good or love people.

    I’m in my early thirties and still live with my parents and even though they’re not transphobes, I’m still terrified of doing anything to make myself look noticeably more femme. I’m just so used to preemptively complying with what others expect out of me.

    CW: dysphoria

    IDK what to even do with clothes. I’m over 300 pounds. I needed to shop at big and tall men’s stores just to find men’s clothes that fit. What the hell am I supposed to do for women’s clothes? Drape a fucking shower curtain over myself?