Yeah learning that a lot of dysphoria symptoms are, in fact, not commonly experienced by most people was quite the revelation to me.

I’m sure it’s sufficient for two players, but I don’t know how the game rearranges the interface with four. It might be a little crowded.

I can confirm that Barony is a fun couch coop experience for two on a steam deck, so long as you are prepared to die and have to start over a lot. It might be tricky with four players, as there is a lot of inventory menuing. You might need a really large screen.

OP I hope this is what you needed to hear. I spent a long time convincing myself that I must be cis, despite that pretending at manhood was making me miserable. It’s a long road to accepting that you’re “trans enough”, whatever that means to you.

This is very relatable to me.

I haven’t gone on HRT, but I’ve experienced huge changes in taste as a result of microbiome changes in my gut. After antibiotics or a stomach-based illness everything tastes muted and metallic to me, like I’ve got half a mouthful of blood in addition to whatever I’m eating. Additionally, after I became vegan six years ago my taste in food totally changed. My working hypothesis is that once the relevant gut bacteria died off, the taste or smell of meat or butter became intolerable. I’m not sure whether hormones affect your microbiome, but if so that could explain it. That said, I don’t think any of these things have affected my ability to eat specifically spicy food, so YMMV.

I reacted to what I now recognize as dysphoria with avoidance for most of my life. A lot of others have recounted similar symptoms - disliking the way I look in pictures, hating shaving, and generalized depression that I unconsciously avoided addressing. I was never invested in conventionally masculine interests as a child. I got way into video games, which I now recognize gave me a way to roleplay female identities through feminine avatars without directly addressing the source of my discomfort in meat space. Unfortunately, my body trended masculine as I aged - thick beard, taller than average, prominent facial features, etc.

I leaned in during my twenties and got into strength sports as a defense mechanism, because I was afraid of being seen as a target to cis men. This actually helped, as I became friends with several very strong cis women who helped me to decouple “physical prowess = masculine, frailty = feminine” in my mind. I recognize now that I had several misogynistic ideas imprinted from my childhood that I had to unlearn.

As a result of all this, I am now visually very masculine presenting. I am tall, have a large beard, and am visibly muscular. I sometimes view my body as something other than myself, like a trusted bodyguard rather than my own form. This is probably not healthy, but it is better than my earlier state of generalized nonspecific depression.

I’ve been making an effort to be visibly queer at work in attempt to make something positive of what I’ve done with my body. I wear skirts and dresses, use they/them pronouns, and introduce myself as nonbinary. My goal is to “tank” negative attention away from other GNC folks and normalize free expression in the workplace, which I am primed to do both as someone who has accumulated some prestige and power and as someone whose physicality tends to illicit deference in others. Paradoxically, I feel that presenting as a “muscular dude in a dress” is received more positively than if I were to attempt to pass as a cis woman, although that is speculation on my part.

I dunno how sustainable this posture is, as I often find myself envious of trans women who are brave enough to abandon masculinity all together. However, I am still afraid of losing the protection and privilege that comes from walking around in a physically intimidating body.

This description matches my experience closely. I haven’t started HRT for several reasons, but I am curious to know whether it would address the depression that has been the background radiation of my adulthood.

I’m no causal, so I decided to play life on hard mode.

Probably around 72 hours. I had a severe bout of depression a decade ago. I’m not certain how long I went without food because my memory of that period is hazy, but I barely ate or left my bed for a week. A few years before that I had salmonella poisoning (do NOT recommend) and didn’t eat or really even sleep for something like 10 days. I drank sugar water and electrolytes to stay alive but I still lost about 10 kilos.

I sincerely cannot imagine what was going through their minds. In addition to the ableism there’s an incredible lack of self awareness on display here.

Some further research suggests that you’re right. They’re not native to the area but I guess were introduced a long time ago. Thanks!

I had exactly the same experience.

Understandable. I haven’t made chana masala in a while but you’ve inspired a hankering that I must satisfy soon.

Ah, one of my favorite meals! Good choice. Now for the real question: how spicy?

I also really liked Vermont while I lived there, and everything that you mentioned are great features. That said, the state (and much of New England) is overwhelmingly white. I am white-passing, but my spouse is not, and they felt consistently othered while we lived there. Not in an aggressive or hateful way, but in a “strangers see me as a novelty” way that you tend to get in homogenous communities. Burlington is probably a bit more diverse than the relative middle of nowhere where we lived, so your mileage may vary.

You just unlocked a childhood memory of mine. At maybe 6 or 7 I found it very strange how closely my church’s dogma rhymed with various”pagan” mythologies that I’d read about. I recall asking my mom about it, in some childish way, and being taken aback at how unsatisfying her “paper over the cracks” response was. Later on, I also had a lot of “I’m supposed to feel something but don’t” moments. This was a source of considerable distress until I managed to deprogram myself.

Yeah it’s wild how many ways humans can express “don’t question the dogma,” both explicitly and implicitly with deflection, body language, etc. I’m a child of clergy, so I very much grew up “in” a church. Consequently, I don’t even have any specific memories of asking questions and being told not to doubt or what have you. I’d never not been immersed in the fundamentalist milieu, so I subconsciously learned to police my own thoughts and actions without realizing it. It’s taken years to recontextualize some of my childhood behavior. Most of it is sad stuff, like realizing “oh I ghosted that friend because I was trying to avoid becoming aware of the homosexual crush I was developing”. Anyway, I guess my point is that we can be good at preventing ourselves from questioning dogma, too. Until the shelf collapses.

I’m not an ex-Mormon specifically, but this shelf analogy resonates with my experience as someone who was raised in an evangelical Protestant church. Eventually you stack up too many inconsistencies and the cognitive dissonance is too much.

Dragonfruit is delicious, but this depends heavily on where you get it. Most non-tropical markets get imported dragonfruit that was picked too early and shipped/stored over long periods, resulting a relatively bland taste and drier texture. Ripe, fresh dragonfruit is lovely. It’s in my top 5 fruits personally.