Posted by the white house socials.

    • Belly_Beanis [he/him]@hexbear.net
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      23
      ·
      6 天前

      One of the scariest things about becoming an adult is learning the adults of your childhood had no fucking idea what they were doing.

      I guess people just get to experience that at 13 now, instead of 20.

      • Erika3sis [she/her, xe/xem]@hexbear.net
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        5
        ·
        5 天前

        (a bright red “people shooting hat” materializes on the 12 year old’s head, accompanied by a lollipop as an age-appropriate alternative to a cigarette, as the 12-year-old spontaneously gains a few gray hairs and wrinkles)

        “Fuuuuck, goddammit, am I in a coming of age novel about the superficiality of adult society dealing with themes of alienation, youth angst and loss of innocence, goddammit I was hoping I’d get to escape that fate, I’m gonna have to start calling people phonies now, fuck”

    • PurrLure [she/her]@hexbear.net
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      2
      ·
      5 天前

      Ok posters, Trump already gets away with pedophilia and viewing everything sexually on the regular. A power surely has to be something special.

      I’m thinking Trump pays for the goldest, most tacky looking devil fruit on the market. Or maybe Pissreal gifts it to him in exchange for weapons, workshop the lore yourselves. Point being, he won’t settle for any ordinary looking fruit. So he gobbles it down on livestream and the chair and desk he’s at immediately turn to solid gold. The livestream comments go wild, “Hoooooly shit, Trump got the Midas Touch skill!” “He can literally turn anything he wants into gold now, this is perfect for our god emperor!” Trump looks astonished at his desk before staring smugly at the camera for a minute. He’s about to make a snide comment about what a good investment this was, but ugh jeez all these studio lights sure get hot, so before he says anything he adjusts his suit collar. Aww shit, turns out this is a passive ability devil fruit. His suit turns to solid gold, and while I would love to say that he accidentally touched his neck and also turned himself gold, unfortunately if I remember correctly people in this universe are immune from their own powers. Naturally he starts freaking out, his body guards and staff surround him and the livestream is suddenly cut short.

      A few days later Trump is declared dead for “gum gum related reasons”, with no clarification given to the public for years. Did he die while they were trying to get him out of the suit? Was he unable to eat or drink without turning it into gold? Did someone important kill him out of self defense when he went to turn them into gold? It becomes a conspiracy that becomes so distracting JD Vance can barely get anything done during his brief time as president. Funny enough, JD Vance tries to implement a federal gum gum fruit ban, but this completely divides conservatives so much (basically every gun right chud gets pissed) that JD Vance doesn’t bother to run for office next election.