I’ve been crying and struggling to heal from my breakup, while my ex has already started using dating apps again and going out with girls. He once promised me a future, and I genuinely loved him and stayed loyal. I know we’re broken up and he’s free to move on, but it hurts seeing him look for other girls while I’m still grieving. I stalked his friend’s account and found this out, and now it hurts all over again lol 💀

Past story i have already posted here…

Why he left me…i m feeling depressed …ldr broken up after yr…

I loved him so much. I stayed awake when he was sick, cried when he was sad, and shared all his pain. But he eventually said we were incompatible and left me. Now I keep wondering if our breakup was my fault. If I had been less emotionally dependent and given him more space, would he have stayed and been faithful, or am I just blaming myself for his choices?

He was the one who proposed to me first, telling me how much he loved me, and I accepted his proposal. Everything was going smoothly. Then, after his birthday, he told me he was feeling emotionally drained and wanted to break up with me. This was the first time I pleaded and begged him to stay. The next day, he agreed to stay, and things became lovey dovey again.

The second time, he said he couldn’t commit to me because of his family. I cried and begged him to stay, but eventually, I accepted the situation. After that, we took some space, and a month later, he came back and confessed his love for me again. He said he wanted to commit to me and spend his whole life with me.

After that, everything was going fine again. The third breakup happened when he said he was exhausted and was the kind of person who couldn’t feel love every day. He said I was too emotional, needed reassurance, and was emotionally dependent on him. But the main reason I kept asking for reassurance was that he had already threatened to leave me twice. I was afraid he would leave again because he had already done it before.

As for emotional dependency, he was the kind of person who could spend an entire day alone without texting or calling me. Whenever we talked, i was usually the one who initiated the conversation.

The fourth breakup happened when he was talking to other girls. Everything seemed fine, but I noticed that he was becoming distant. I had a gut feeling that something was wrong, so I asked him what was going on and how he was feeling. He then told me he wanted to break up because I seemed like AI, we lived far away from each other, and he needed an emotional connection. He wanted a girl he could hug and someone who could be physically closer to him.

I asked him if he was talking to someone else or wanted to date someone who lived closer to him. I told him that if that was the case, he could be honest with me.

Then I remembered something he had once told me that whenever he wanted to leave, he would come back to me like a boomerang. He had also told me that I didn’t have an ego, that I always tried to stop him from leaving because I was a good person, and that he loved me.

So, once again, I tried to stop him from leaving. The next day, he agreed to stay, and he sent me another lovey dovey message. He said he saw a future with me, wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, and wanted to become a better person for me. He even called me his emotional anchor and said I had brought him out of darkness. He said I was the kind of girl he could see himself spending his life with.

Everything seemed fine again. Then he came to meet me, and while scrolling through his phone, I came across his ChatGPT history. I found things that made me realise he had been exploring other girls and sexual possibilities.

When I confronted him about it, he said, Now you have a valid reason to leave me. You can leave me. He also said he no longer had any feelings for me and that he was emotionally drained.

It was the same person who, just a few minutes earlier, had been telling me that he loved me. But after I confronted him about what I had found, he suddenly said he didn’t love me anymore and told me I could leave him.

I understand that I may have contributed to our relationship problems, but how am I supposed to make sense of all these things? It makes me question whether he genuinely wanted to be with me or was just keeping me around

if he felt guilty about not wanting to continue, why did he repeatedly leave me crying, begging him to stay, and unable to sleep? He was the one who told me I was his choice and that he could change his choice. Just minutes before I caught him cheating, he was talking about fighting for us, but after I confronted him, he smirked and told me to leave because now I had a “valid reason” to break up with him. He even said I was the reason for everything and that I was no longer his priority. Then, just 14 days after our breakup, he sent a gift to a girl he had a crush on a year ago on her birthday

Was our breakup my fault? If I had been less emotionally dependent and given him more space, would he have stayed and been faithful, or was I blaming myself for his choices? Another thing I found in his ChatGPT history was that he said he urgently needed s…x. He also mentioned that his friends brought girls over and that they were having fun in the room next to his, which was distracting him. What I don’t understand is how someone can keep a girl emotionally attached to him by repeatedly saying he loves her and wants to spend his life with her, while apparently thinking about other girls and s…

I’m honestly struggling to make sense of everything because he did show me care and affection at times, which makes it hard for me to believe that he never loved me. But the repeated breakup threats and betrayal really hurt me.

  • rah@hilariouschaos.com
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    3 days ago

    Red flags:

    he eventually said we were incompatible and left me

    I mean everything else is a footnote to that really.

    we lived far away from each other

    Whenever we talked, i was usually the one who initiated the conversation.

    told me I was his choice and that he could change his choice

    And some really troubling red flags:

    I pleaded and begged him to stay

    I cried and begged him to stay

    I stalked his friend’s account

    while scrolling through his phone

    I found in his ChatGPT history

    And lastly…

    s…

    Just the fact that you’re unwilling to even write out the word “sex” is odd and hints at maladjustment on your part.

    • Rush@thelemmy.clubOP
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      3 days ago

      He cheated on me, and I was the one who got hurt. I know I became anxious and begged him to stay, but that doesn’t make me responsible for his decision to cheat. Every time he broke up with me, he came back promising that he loved me even more and that his feelings were getting stronger. I believed him and kept giving him chances, only for the same cycle to repeat. You can point out my mistakes, but please don’t ignore what he did to me. And about the word sex, this platform may have rules like other apps, so I chose to write it that way. Otherwise, I’m open to discussing anything. Why would I be afraid or ashamed of the word? I was simply being cautious. I can acknowledge that I became emotionally dependent and struggled with trust, but that doesn’t mean I deserved to be cheated on or that everything was my fault. I was trying to save a relationship with someone I genuinely loved. I wasn’t perfect, but I wasn’t wrong for expecting loyalty, honesty, and consistency from my partner.

      • rah@hilariouschaos.com
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        2 days ago

        that doesn’t make me responsible for his decision to cheat

        I haven’t suggested it does.

        this platform may have rules like other apps

        Just out of curiosity, which apps prohibit the use of the word “sex”?

        Why would I be afraid or ashamed of the word?

        Indeed.

        that doesn’t mean I deserved to be cheated on or that everything was my fault

        I haven’t suggested it does or was.

        • Rush@thelemmy.clubOP
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          2 days ago

          Your whole reply felt unclear and messy.

          Also I’m using Lemmy for the first time. I used Reddit before, but my account got banned because I used the word sex so I can’t use that account anymore. That’s why I’m being cautious this time. Also, decency matters sometimes lol…

          And honestly, your whole reply felt like you were blaming me for a pathetic jerk’s actions, as if I were the one who pleaded with him to stay and had so many red flags…

          • rah@hilariouschaos.com
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            2 days ago

            as if I were the one who pleaded with him to stay

            I don’t understand this. I quoted your own words stating that you were the one who pleaded with him to stay but here you seem to be implying that it was him who pleaded with you and not the other way round.

            had so many red flags

            Yes, there are a lot of red flags in your behaviour. I’m pointing them out because they might go some way to explaining what happened with the relationship.