My personal view is that some rage is entirely justified in this situation. My view only, but I think you were misled, possibly accidentally, but still misled. I also think that your family suffered a rush of blood to their collective heads when the process started, and their expectations altered in consequence as they realised all the various possibilities available. But imo they are primarily thinking of their own needs/wants, and I think yours got lost along the way.
Now, however, you are in receipt of much more accurate information and can go forward armed with that.
I do think that your family needs to consider whether or not they actually need to buy a dedicated apartment for their own use. One that has nothing to do with you and which fits their needs perfectly. You can even help them search for it. You can still offer hospitality as and when required if that suits you, but if they are going to be that picky about the space they need then they need to understand the consequences and costs - to you as well as them.
Your needs come first here. After all, you are going to be living in the space full time and your needs should be the priority imo.
This might be a bit cheeky, but you could ask if they will let you have a locked room, for your own exclusive use, at their house in Mornington. Because I bet they will refuse because ‘it’s their house’. This might bring home to them exactly what they are asking you for.
I will never be able to afford the kind of home I want.
That was the appeal of it for me. The extra money meant I could stretch to “a comfortable apartment” rather than “a student shitbox with no kitchen or natural light”
I thought provision and use of a guest room was a fair exchange for being able to buy and live in something nicer. So I agreed…
My understanding of what I was providing them came largely from what they provide me - the guest room they set up has their art on the walls and a few useful items (a small ladder etc) in the wardrobe, which is about the level of use I imagined.
I imagined some bookshelves and a chair in one corner so I could sit in there and read if they weren’t staying. Maybe a picture hanging. That’s all.
I didn’t want to LIVE in it. I’d have a perfectly good bedroom and bathroom of my own. I just want to be able to put some of my more neutral belongings in it, so the space isn’t completely useless to me when they’re not present to use it.
Apparently that was not the agreement. I was explicitly told “it’s not a guest room. We don’t want your art or your books in our space”
That is quite different to what I understood the situation to be.
If they want a space that’s theirs and theirs alone, they should be purchasing that - and not expecting you to be part of that arrangement. Are they going to share ‘their’ space with your sister and her kids??? Because if so, then they are lying to themselves about the space being their space only. And the cleanliness argument falls apart when kids are involved - trust me on this.
If they only need a dedicated space occasionally, then this is what specialist medical AirBNB is for. Sort of Ronald McDonald House, but the adult version. Yes, this is available.
My personal view is that some rage is entirely justified in this situation. My view only, but I think you were misled, possibly accidentally, but still misled. I also think that your family suffered a rush of blood to their collective heads when the process started, and their expectations altered in consequence as they realised all the various possibilities available. But imo they are primarily thinking of their own needs/wants, and I think yours got lost along the way.
Now, however, you are in receipt of much more accurate information and can go forward armed with that.
I do think that your family needs to consider whether or not they actually need to buy a dedicated apartment for their own use. One that has nothing to do with you and which fits their needs perfectly. You can even help them search for it. You can still offer hospitality as and when required if that suits you, but if they are going to be that picky about the space they need then they need to understand the consequences and costs - to you as well as them.
Your needs come first here. After all, you are going to be living in the space full time and your needs should be the priority imo.
This might be a bit cheeky, but you could ask if they will let you have a locked room, for your own exclusive use, at their house in Mornington. Because I bet they will refuse because ‘it’s their house’. This might bring home to them exactly what they are asking you for.
I will never be able to afford the kind of home I want.
That was the appeal of it for me. The extra money meant I could stretch to “a comfortable apartment” rather than “a student shitbox with no kitchen or natural light”
I thought provision and use of a guest room was a fair exchange for being able to buy and live in something nicer. So I agreed…
…but it’s not a guest room.
They have a guest room which I use.
My understanding of what I was providing them came largely from what they provide me - the guest room they set up has their art on the walls and a few useful items (a small ladder etc) in the wardrobe, which is about the level of use I imagined.
I imagined some bookshelves and a chair in one corner so I could sit in there and read if they weren’t staying. Maybe a picture hanging. That’s all.
I didn’t want to LIVE in it. I’d have a perfectly good bedroom and bathroom of my own. I just want to be able to put some of my more neutral belongings in it, so the space isn’t completely useless to me when they’re not present to use it.
Apparently that was not the agreement. I was explicitly told “it’s not a guest room. We don’t want your art or your books in our space”
That is quite different to what I understood the situation to be.
If they want a space that’s theirs and theirs alone, they should be purchasing that - and not expecting you to be part of that arrangement. Are they going to share ‘their’ space with your sister and her kids??? Because if so, then they are lying to themselves about the space being their space only. And the cleanliness argument falls apart when kids are involved - trust me on this.
If they only need a dedicated space occasionally, then this is what specialist medical AirBNB is for. Sort of Ronald McDonald House, but the adult version. Yes, this is available.