So, I got – for free – a bra with reasonably realistic breast prosthetics. 85B, the correct chest size but maybe I’d prefer a little smaller cup size because some of my female relatives have A-cup meaning that there’s a chance I’ll end up with rather small tits and I don’t want to get used to something big and then potentially feel disappointed of what I’ll really get later on. (Though, one of my grandmoms has very large melons, so there’s a possibility that I’ll have to learn to live with big-time back pains instead of having to contend with small breasts. Time will tell, but it’s good to be mentally prepared for all possibilities!)

So I tried that thing on for the first time. Two friends had told me that it’s a very empowering feeling, so I was expecting a nice experience.
But for me it wasn’t. Maybe it’s because I had psyched myself into keeping in mind “these are not the real ones, don’t grow attached to them because your own ones might be extremely different!”
Don’t know.

But anyway, the textile between the prosthetic and my skin (as the bra has kind of pockets for the silicones) felt horrible, kind of the same way “prickly” as some clothes felt to the autistic me when I was a child. I had a very strong feeling of “these are not a natural part of me”. I also got into a serious bicycle accident when on the way to get them from my friend, where I probably came extremely close to death: My forehead was flying directly towards the corner of a curbstone when I pushed my arms into the ground to lift my head up at the last moment. And now there’s about a cubic centimetre of my elbow missing and there’s a lot of pain and a lot of shame for such an idiotic steering error.
Now I have other people around and, for now, I don’t want to try those things on except when I’m alone. Maybe they’ll feel better when I don’t fuck up my day and when I don’t have an immense pain my elbow bringing my mood down? Or, maybe they won’t.

Anyway, I’m writing this for two reasons:
Firstly, to vent out a bit for the disappointment. I ended up riding carelessly partially because I was giddy about the breasts I would get to wear (and partially because choosing clothes took me full 30 minutes and I left home 15 minutes too late) and then the breasts gave me no kicks at all. My logic is telling me that it has to do with me always preferring everything be as natural and real as possible. But I also got this “oh no, am I trans at all” feeling. I’ve already applied for a time to meet a doctor in order to begin my HRT, and have been anxiously waiting for a reply to that for one and a half weeks already. And now I got an experience I was not expecting at all, giving me feelings of “what if I will hate my breasts when they grow? What if they feel out of place just the same way my dick does?” It’s an uncomfortable feeling to have, for sure!

And then secondly, I want to hear experiences of people who have used similar prosthetics before growing their own titties. What has felt good about them? What has felt bad about them? And, how (and in what manners) similar or different was it compared to having your very own breasts later on?