Honestly, by asking here you’re already way ahead of like 99% of people in your situation.

I think openness to learning/listening is key, which you seem to have going for you, but I’d recommend an approach where you state your openness and let them come to you with that information when they’re comfortable to. Example; instead of asking “do you have new pronouns?” just say “if you want to try out new pronouns, let me know!”, that kind of thing.

I have a trans son who went from gay to non-binary to trans. Like you, we as parents love him just the same, wholly support him, have always - but yeah, it’s a hell of a roller coaster. We weren’t raised to understand that this is one of the possibilities when you have a kid, so it’s totally normal to feel lost.

Explain that to your kid. Let them know you’re going to support and love them always, but you’re human and the product of your generation, and you’re going to make mistakes. Hell, I recently almost deadnamed my son because I’d just woken up and there was some minor crisis going on. I caught myself but I was certain he’d noticed, so after I got my coffee in me I made a point to apologize and explain. That was the right thing to do.

Be honest about yourself to your kid. Own your mistakes. Keep trying. Ask for their help. You’re in this together.

As the mom of an 11yo who pulled an uno reverse moment when I came out to them, I think even just being willing to be supportive is more than a lot of kids will get. I came out to mine as trans 2 years ago and they were like “oh, um. I’ve been thinking about how to tell you I think I’m nonbinary.” They were worried we’d think they were just wanting attention, poor thing.

My suggestion: ask what terms they feel the most at home with, don’t just assume anything stays the same unless they explicitly say they want it to. For example: “How would you like us to refer to you? “Child”? “Kiddo”? “Son/daughter” still apply?”

And then ask things like (if afab) “Do you want to be ‘one of the girls’ or ‘one of the boys’ if gender split stuff comes up at a party or hangout?” And "If I’m calling for you and your friends - what should I be calling out? “Boys”? “Girls”? “Kids”?

Note: we ask these things not because we want to force them into one, but because we want to help them feel comfortable knowing the answers in low-pressure situations so that they are never put on the spot about it.

Ask about wardrobe, hairstyles, other details of presentation, and importantly: let them try out and enjoy stuff. Or hate stuff. Ours got a should length side-shave haircut and they love it, but you’ve got to be willing to let them experiment or they’ll never get a chance to figure themselves out.

One thing that I would recommend is to be curious! If they are open to it, ask questions about their journey and how it feels. Try to focus on them and their journey, and avoid asking questions about embys as a whole.

I came out to my parents over a year ago, and they haven’t mentioned it or asked a question about it since. I’m moved out, so I only see them in video calls every week or two. Now I’m gearing up to bring it up again, and it’s almost more difficult than the initial coming out experience was.

There are a lot of us, and each of us are different in our journeys, presentation, pronouns, and dysphoria or lack thereof. Some are bigender and some are agender.

Try to learn how to love them and help them to feel safe and grow into their best authentic self.

(Disclaimer: no experience with nonbinary children, but I do have a trans sister fwiw)

Have you asked them? They probably did already find some resources that helped them figure themselves out that you may like. In addition they might not want you to make a big deal out of it, or maybe they do want to make it a big deal?

Good luck to you and them!

The Child and its Enemies podcast. Straight from a nonbinary teen’s mouth.