I think what riled that person up, is that the first thing people always tell you when they learn you don’t want children is “Oh you’ll change your mind!” or “I never knew children could be so great until I actually had them”, in an attempt to convince you to bang out some children against your wishes.
It gets really old, really fast, and your comment is down the same road.
Sure—folks sometimes share their lived experience, and sometimes they’re insensitive. I tried not to be and had shared a genuine opinion, based on my own life.
But remember, I also had no desire or interest in having children until I did. I’ve been on that side of the fence, and therefore felt comfortable sharing my experience of the other.
To some folks, it certainly stings when they face clumsy (but likely not malicious) questions about having a family.
For what it’s worth, I think it’s a foolish question to ask, as you never know someone’s circumstances. But if it’s a decision you’ve got agency over, then is being asked about your choice really such a big deal?
After all, everyone is just trying to figure out their own lives, and being curious about other people’s choices is only natural. How we interpret and perceive the question is key.
Personally, I’ve always been interested in people, how we form opinions, and if someone shares a viewpoint I once held that my lived experience changed, I don’t really see the harm in mentioning my own perspective.
On the flip side, I make an effort not to get irritated by people who by definition do not have that lived experience and make sweeping, negative generalizations about having kids.
In a funny way, it reminds me of the folk who go out of their way to comment on the EV I drive and tell me why they would never, ever get one, despite having never driven one. I have experienced both, and feel I can comment honestly on the pros and cons. If the person opining how bad they are doesn’t like my answers or finds them condescending, that’s a shame, but it’s not intentional.
I think what riled that person up, is that the first thing people always tell you when they learn you don’t want children is “Oh you’ll change your mind!” or “I never knew children could be so great until I actually had them”, in an attempt to convince you to bang out some children against your wishes.
It gets really old, really fast, and your comment is down the same road.
Sure—folks sometimes share their lived experience, and sometimes they’re insensitive. I tried not to be and had shared a genuine opinion, based on my own life.
But remember, I also had no desire or interest in having children until I did. I’ve been on that side of the fence, and therefore felt comfortable sharing my experience of the other.
To some folks, it certainly stings when they face clumsy (but likely not malicious) questions about having a family.
For what it’s worth, I think it’s a foolish question to ask, as you never know someone’s circumstances. But if it’s a decision you’ve got agency over, then is being asked about your choice really such a big deal?
After all, everyone is just trying to figure out their own lives, and being curious about other people’s choices is only natural. How we interpret and perceive the question is key.
Personally, I’ve always been interested in people, how we form opinions, and if someone shares a viewpoint I once held that my lived experience changed, I don’t really see the harm in mentioning my own perspective.
On the flip side, I make an effort not to get irritated by people who by definition do not have that lived experience and make sweeping, negative generalizations about having kids.
In a funny way, it reminds me of the folk who go out of their way to comment on the EV I drive and tell me why they would never, ever get one, despite having never driven one. I have experienced both, and feel I can comment honestly on the pros and cons. If the person opining how bad they are doesn’t like my answers or finds them condescending, that’s a shame, but it’s not intentional.