I find your “purpose and outlook” comment to be condescending, clichéd and pointless
You will spend the rest of your life justifying your choice, and the fact that you felt the need to do so, unprompted, to a complete stranger, who clearly does not give a fuck tells me that you know deep down that you fucked up
You weren’t CF for 35 years if you suddenly changed your mind
You either weren’t CF, or you had kids for some stupid reason, and now feel that you have to justify your “change of heart”
Yep. Having children necessitates becoming narcissistic. I’m sure parents don’t believe this, but to force existence into this world, and call it benevolent is just fucking lunacy. Work on making the world a better place before making new chattel.
I won’t believe you’re a better person just because you did the most animal thing there is, instead of the most human thing you can do and actually work towards a better existence for everyone
Mate, calm down. It was absolutely not my intention to condesend - quite the opposite. However, your reaction has shown me your true character and, like you, I am now absolutely convinced that fatherhood is not for you.
I think what riled that person up, is that the first thing people always tell you when they learn you don’t want children is “Oh you’ll change your mind!” or “I never knew children could be so great until I actually had them”, in an attempt to convince you to bang out some children against your wishes.
It gets really old, really fast, and your comment is down the same road.
Sure—folks sometimes share their lived experience, and sometimes they’re insensitive. I tried not to be and had shared a genuine opinion, based on my own life.
But remember, I also had no desire or interest in having children until I did. I’ve been on that side of the fence, and therefore felt comfortable sharing my experience of the other.
To some folks, it certainly stings when they face clumsy (but likely not malicious) questions about having a family.
For what it’s worth, I think it’s a foolish question to ask, as you never know someone’s circumstances. But if it’s a decision you’ve got agency over, then is being asked about your choice really such a big deal?
After all, everyone is just trying to figure out their own lives, and being curious about other people’s choices is only natural. How we interpret and perceive the question is key.
Personally, I’ve always been interested in people, how we form opinions, and if someone shares a viewpoint I once held that my lived experience changed, I don’t really see the harm in mentioning my own perspective.
On the flip side, I make an effort not to get irritated by people who by definition do not have that lived experience and make sweeping, negative generalizations about having kids.
In a funny way, it reminds me of the folk who go out of their way to comment on the EV I drive and tell me why they would never, ever get one, despite having never driven one. I have experienced both, and feel I can comment honestly on the pros and cons. If the person opining how bad they are doesn’t like my answers or finds them condescending, that’s a shame, but it’s not intentional.
Of course it shifted
I find your “purpose and outlook” comment to be condescending, clichéd and pointless
You will spend the rest of your life justifying your choice, and the fact that you felt the need to do so, unprompted, to a complete stranger, who clearly does not give a fuck tells me that you know deep down that you fucked up
You weren’t CF for 35 years if you suddenly changed your mind
You either weren’t CF, or you had kids for some stupid reason, and now feel that you have to justify your “change of heart”
Yep. Having children necessitates becoming narcissistic. I’m sure parents don’t believe this, but to force existence into this world, and call it benevolent is just fucking lunacy. Work on making the world a better place before making new chattel.
I won’t believe you’re a better person just because you did the most animal thing there is, instead of the most human thing you can do and actually work towards a better existence for everyone
Anything two idiot teenagers in the back of a car can achieve accidentally is not worthy of praise
Mate, calm down. It was absolutely not my intention to condesend - quite the opposite. However, your reaction has shown me your true character and, like you, I am now absolutely convinced that fatherhood is not for you.
I think what riled that person up, is that the first thing people always tell you when they learn you don’t want children is “Oh you’ll change your mind!” or “I never knew children could be so great until I actually had them”, in an attempt to convince you to bang out some children against your wishes.
It gets really old, really fast, and your comment is down the same road.
Sure—folks sometimes share their lived experience, and sometimes they’re insensitive. I tried not to be and had shared a genuine opinion, based on my own life.
But remember, I also had no desire or interest in having children until I did. I’ve been on that side of the fence, and therefore felt comfortable sharing my experience of the other.
To some folks, it certainly stings when they face clumsy (but likely not malicious) questions about having a family.
For what it’s worth, I think it’s a foolish question to ask, as you never know someone’s circumstances. But if it’s a decision you’ve got agency over, then is being asked about your choice really such a big deal?
After all, everyone is just trying to figure out their own lives, and being curious about other people’s choices is only natural. How we interpret and perceive the question is key.
Personally, I’ve always been interested in people, how we form opinions, and if someone shares a viewpoint I once held that my lived experience changed, I don’t really see the harm in mentioning my own perspective.
On the flip side, I make an effort not to get irritated by people who by definition do not have that lived experience and make sweeping, negative generalizations about having kids.
In a funny way, it reminds me of the folk who go out of their way to comment on the EV I drive and tell me why they would never, ever get one, despite having never driven one. I have experienced both, and feel I can comment honestly on the pros and cons. If the person opining how bad they are doesn’t like my answers or finds them condescending, that’s a shame, but it’s not intentional.
It’s impossible to stress how little your opinion matters to me
4chan is the other way
That’s quite a leap
I’d happily burn every incel, bigot and halfwit that uses 4chan
But, I’m sure you think you’re clever, or that you have somehow scored an imaginary point