(sorry if this is too much.)
Hi,
To start this off I’ll say I very recently came out to both my parents as trans, they are supportive and I am very lucky to have them :)
I’ve been on/off questioning for 3 years, which I guess is indication enough, I remember it starting off as me joking that I weirdly fit lots of egg stereotypes, as well as just consuming an ungodly amount of trans content and information (mostly on YT), but I certainly couldn’t be trans because I didn’t fit an exaggerated binary, “I didn’t hate myself enough to have dysphoria”, “I never wished to be a girl” etc.
I came out to a friend as questioning around October of 2025, and somehow managed to not do anything about it until last week, where it felt like I only just cracked my egg despite “knowing” for much longer. For what it’s worth I seem to be very good at putting barriers up in my mind, when I was talking to my parents I couldn’t quite articulate my feelings or really even feel what I felt during the night before, and that made me feel like I was lying. I don’t know what that means but I’ve learnt to keep track of what I would feel if there weren’t any external pressure, as such I’m writing this at 2 AM.
I think I might be genderfluid/demi-girl? Based on the fact I can’t really get a feel of an innate sense of gender and my feelings change too often, I only really have the dysphoria to guide me, I still hate mirrors/photos but less so since I have awesome hair now. I’m pretty confident I want to look/pass as a girl, and I like the idea of HRT and voice training, while pronouns and my name I can’t feel much either way yet (all stuff I’ve told my parents).
Regardless, my original plan of just going with it and figuring out if I’m binary or not later is probably the best one. Also I just had one of the weirdest brain worms right now, that I can’t be trans because “I’ve been looking up to trans women for too long”, as if that means I can’t be one??? like what lmao.
I think the next best steps would be getting to know queer people local to me as well as contacting the NHS. Although everything I’ve heard makes me very scared to talk to the NHS, given I might need to change my name, and the fact they aren’t very supportive, plus the waiting list, oh and that the records will be shared with Palantir, it’s just a lot and I don’t know what I’m doing.
Thank you if you read through all of this, I’m not sure what the purpose of this post is, but any feedback is cool!
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A trans lady once gave me this advice and so I now give it to you:
Head up. Shoulders back. Tits out. You got this.
That’s awesome lol, thanks.
First of all a hearty welcome to the sisterhood <3
Nice to hear that your parents got your back, that’s worth a lot! Have you tried to experiment with your name / pronouns, yet? Tried to see what it does to you if you actually get called by something new?
Labels are first and foremost for you to get closer to yourself. Personally I go with she/her/woman and that feels nice to me, but I see it as a working hypothesis that may change some day and that’d be okay. Though, the likelihood of that seems to go lower over time. For me a lot of it came from the thought that I haven’t really understood what non-binary means and that it was just very new to me.
Oh and hey, if no one has told you yet - everyone has doubts or anxiety surrounding their identity. People who do transition do so in spite it, not because it isn’t there. Society likes that idea of a trans person who knew about their gender from childhood, always wanted the changes and pressured their surroundings as soon and as much as possible. People like that do exist, but they’re actually the exception, for most of us it’s much more complicated.
For me, my understanding of feelings has evolved a lot in the last few months. I’ve barely had consciously thought about being a woman or other wishes that may revolve around that identity. I thought these were not possible, so what’d be the point of indulging in them, huh? But yeah, my feelings were there and did everything they could to try and show me what I need to see. I was blind and it took me two decades to finally start getting myself.
I am so so grateful for all the visible trans people who live their best lives and have shown me it’s possible.
I’d like to leave you two links: If you haven’t already, The Gender Dysphoria Bible is a great read and starting point for this journey. Almost single-handedly cracked my own egg.
Also https://turnmeintoagirl.com/ is a fun experiment, maybe it does something with you :).
Can’t wait to hear more from you and enjoy the ride <3
Thanks, I’ll have a look at those links.
For experimenting, not yet, my reasoning has been for people previously “mis”-gendering me as she/her occasionally, and I didn’t feel overly euphoric or anything, but then again from experience I know my brain likes to brush off anything less than definitive, since every time that happened they couldn’t see my face. I’ve also had 2 occasions where people have asked me if I’m a girl or a boy, the first one I found mildly amusing but it was a guy and they didn’t need me for anything so I could’ve just been weirded out by it, the other time was on the bus and two girls asked me, that time I can’t remember what I felt.
You’re right though I should probably ask my parents if they could mix it up a bit, but I’m scared it could make me feel weird about it, I know personally to myself I can sometimes feel comfortable seeing myself as a girl, but only really in isolation (the sun is up now and I’m already feeling a little bad), I do have a history of a social anxiety disorder so that could play a part in me feeling so weird about it. Although I did feel kind of good about adding my girl name alongside my birth name here and there.
I’ll absolutely keep posting updates though, and thank you again!
No pressure! Whatever happens, do it in your own pace. This is your journey and yours alone.
I’ve also had 2 occasions where people have asked me if I’m a girl or a boy
Heh, makes me think of that time decades ago where a girl in my class said with my long hair I’d look like a fat woman. That really stung, that she called me fat.
Some people can really just be mean. Compliments are usually more likely to go unsaid in my experience, I had one person berate me over my hair throughout my last year of secondary school, and never once had been complimented, 2 years of sixth form go by, the entire time thinking people hated my hair, only to hear second hand that someone in my class thought my hair was “beautiful” when being reminded of me, the person telling me this also agrees, and around the same time someone in the street wanted to know what hair product I was using. So safe to say people 100% think nice things about you all the time, but for whatever reason refrain from saying them.
Some people can really just be mean.
Absolutely, the fun bit just is how I didn’t feel insulted in the slightest for being called a woman. Wasn’t euphoric either, but still think that’s saying something.
someone in the street wanted to know what hair product I was using
Well, now I want to know, too, sounds like you’re doing something very right there.
Regarding compliments, I kinda get that, I’ve never really been able to give them to others. Not sure why, maybe missing self worth, maybe scared of giving a wrong impression. It’s actually something I’m actively trying to improve currently.
Oh lol, then I guess it’s cool that helped you figure it out. I’ve been meaning to compliment someone at uni (they seemed nervous) but I missed the chance, I’ll be sure to do so when we start again in September.
About my hair, it’s naturally thick and curly, so I’m not sure if this will work for everyone, but it normally gets very frizzy if I don’t do anything with it, so my Mum taught me to use hair mousse, and I’ve settled on one of the strongest ones that Wella (the company) makes, other than that I don’t really take care of my hair as well as I could be, just that and re-doing it every 2-3 days to stop it from knotting. If you know Tony Statovci then mine is just his if it were shorter, although he ties his hair up a lot so you’ll have to see it when he has it down.
Thanks again I really appreciate all the support everyone is giving me. <3
Congrats on cracking your egg! For what its worth I think a lot of us have those insecurities about whether we’re really trans or that we arent trans enough at the beginning lol. I remember when I was just starting to try to get hormones I had this horrible feeling that me starting hormones was taking them away from some other trans person who deserved them more because their dysphoria is way worse than mine and I wasn’t really that trans anyway. Thankfully I’ve moved on from that. Theres no shortage of hormones, and me taking them makes me so happy.
Good job telling your parents already though. I still haven’t told mine and I’m coming up on a year on hormones lol. We all do things in our own time and our own way on our transitions, so whatever you decide to do or not in whatever order you decide is ok.
Thanks.
I think it helps that I have someone in my family who came out as trans (before I started questioning), so it kind of allowed me to be more confident that I would be safe to come out to my parents. That and getting access to hormones is scary and I thought I could have my parents to help guide me through that, turns out I was a little naive in thinking that (that’s like thinking my dad could help me fix an issue with my computer, that I built), but hey at least now they can be here to support me.
Welcome aboard, lass.
Stay safe, and remember to be kind to yourself, and that wanting to be a girl is enough to be one, and that you can take hormones regardless <3
Thank you.
Hey congratulations! If you have any UK specific questions, my DMs are open for you.
Thanks! I’ll let you know if I need anything.
as well as just consuming an ungodly amount of trans content
🤔 Here’s cit/het me, lurking in communities, just happy that other people get to be themselves.
Congratulations!
Thanks!
Just a matter of time… (Jk but if I’m right that would be funny)
I’m happy for you!
Please read up on HRT so that you have an understanding of what you should be prescribed and how much. It’s good to be informed. Also, if you ever feel like the wait time for HRT is too long then know that we’ve got you.
Thanks! <3
I will read up on HRT, and I’ll probably also ask some people who live in my area to know where I should get HRT from, since I know from experience the NHS can be very different depending on where you live.
when it comes to not feeling gender but knowing something’s off, i had and still have that problem. repression is hard. but dressing up always feels so good. if this lack of a certain feeling of ‘being a gender’ makes you worry, that you are just ‘pretending’ being a girl … well if you are really that uncertain, playing the boy would be pretending too, no?
so what part you play is really up to you. try it and find out what makes you smile more. and if fluidity it is, so be it. :)
good luck, have a nice journey!
I mean I say I’m genderfluid but the “fluid” of choice would probably be closer to tar, since while I can sometimes feel more masc, I’ve never once felt good about my masculine features, at the very best just mildly annoyed.
And yeah I can end up feeling really good under the right conditions. Since I’m lucky to have grown out my hair prior, I remember covering my face one time (in an attempt to hide certain facial features like my eyebrows), and tricking myself for only just a second, haven’t been able to re-do it but I literally felt it in my heart at the time.
Thank you for taking the time to reply, I really appreciate it! This has all been really affirming.
your shell was much thicker than mine, I folded after a week long phase of “haha I’m a femboy” 😭 welcome aboard its a hard journey but a rewarding one :)
Very thick indeed, I think some cis people around me may have even figured it out before I did.
I’ll make sure to post updates when I make progress :3
my girlfriend knew 3 or 4 years before I cane out I hear ya lol
absolutely!! gender is so fun so have a ball with it :3
nhs? maybe better diy…
anyway happy u found yourself
Probably better DIY yeah, I’ll make sure to evaluate my options first though.
i can help
I’ll be sure to let you know when/if I do diy, thanks <3
Welcome! Overcoming those barriers and finally making an active attempt to figure things out might be the hardest step, congratulations and figuring that one out~
Basically everything I want to say was already written in @Eskarina@piefed.blahaj.zone’s reply, except for one bit regarding your dysphoria and confidence. When my egg cracked and I started figuring things out, I imagined to be a lot more indifferent to my gender identity. I didn’t hate my agab, I didn’t feel that uncomfortable, just not very joyous. But once I came out (externally) and had the first people address me as a female, once I experimented presenting myself differently, I was surprised by how my strongly I would come to associate with this gender, how much my gender euphoria & dysphoria would develop. You might have a similar experience.
I’m probably expecting the dysphoria to pick up as I keep going, I can’t leave the house any less than clean shaven any more. I’m excited to see how things go. Thank you!
That’s exactly how it went for me! My dysphoria was basically nonexistent until I started transitioning, and then little things keps popping up over and over until I was pretty damn sure I was making the right choice. Boymoding was easy peasy at first and girlmoding was near impossible, but now the idea of jeans/cargo short and a tee shirt, which was my standard male attire, makes me want to scream. It’s almost as if my appearance was genuinely not a problem until I realized I was trans and the “correct” way to present myself flipped. I wish you all the best on your gender journey! ❤️
I don’t know if it’s unlucky or lucky, but a most girls will wear jeans where I live, which makes sense why I’ve only ever been she/her’d when wearing jeans. Unlucky because it’ll make wearing things like a skirt more awkward.
Also thanks <3
Congrats!! Since I came out as bi my gender’s been feeling funny. For me letting it do its thing and following the wants has been enormously emancipating and confidence boosting. I can and do pick a label if I have to describe my current experience but it’s more of an afterthought. Just feeling things out and finding out what I want. Still not sure where I’ll land but honestly I don’t care this feels so right. Remember your identity and self expression are valid no matter what: everyone deserves to be their entire self.
I wonder if it’s more common for bi people to have less binary gender experiences?
Anyway thanks, I feel similar about my gender, it’s nice to hear from other people!
I wonder if it’s more common for bi people to have less binary gender experiences?
I’ve been wondering the same lately. It feels like that but I’m obviously super biased.
Anyway thanks, I feel similar about my gender, it’s nice to hear from other people!
Same same :) Thank you for posting <3
If anything if feel like it’s the other way around - nonbinary people are more likely to be bi/pan/etc
