This is something I’ve noticed a lot among well-intentioned people who aren’t trans themselves. When talking about a trans person, especially in the context of talking about them before and after transitioning, they’ll use they/them instead of she/her or he/him, as the trans person in question goes by.
It always kind of rubs me the wrong way, because like, unless they want to go by they/them, it’s still misgendering, right?
But I also always kinda feel awkward correcting the speaker on someone else’s behalf, because maybe they do go by she/they or they/he, and I just don’t know. But it feels way more common that it’s someone who doesn’t feel comfortable using she/her for a trans woman, for example.
I don’t know. Am I overthinking this? How do y’all handle situations like that?
If the person who refers to the trans person don’t know their gender, then they might be using “they/them” as a gender neutral pronoun, which it is. If they (no pun intended) do know the gender of the trans person, then they could either be protesting because they’re bigoted or because they “simply” are uncomfortable. In case it’s the latter, again, “simply” inform them about the correct pronouns.
I know I’m using a lot of “simply” and I also know that it isn’t simple. But that’s what I’d try to do.
I think that’s a good approach, thanks!