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ɐɥO@lemmy.ohaa.xyz to internet funeral@lemmy.worldEnglish · 2 years ago

Please Wake up.

lemmy.ohaa.xyz

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Please Wake up.

lemmy.ohaa.xyz

ɐɥO@lemmy.ohaa.xyz to internet funeral@lemmy.worldEnglish · 2 years ago
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  • ryan@the.coolest.zone
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    2 years ago

    Dear Medical Team:

    Please send me an up-to-date itemized medical bill. If possible, coordinate with my family on my current amount of medical debt and send that across as well. This will help me determine whether or not I even want to wake up.

    Yours sleepily,
    comatose ryan

    • ericbomb@lemmy.world
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      2 years ago

      Don’t worry, medical care is now government funded in the real world! The taxes you paid prior to falling into a coma covered you.

      This is in no way a ploy to get you to wake up so we can put you in the medical work camp because you owe us 17 million dollars.

      With love, Kind and gentle Medical industries inc*

      *A fully owned subsidy of Nestlé

      • Lichtblitz@discuss.tchncs.de
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        2 years ago

        The horror lies in the final sentence

        • ericbomb@lemmy.world
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          2 years ago

          Honestly the second sentence may be redundant given how hard the last one hits thinking about it now.

          But people like it so it will stay the way it is!

        • SokathHisEyesOpen@lemmy.ml
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          2 years ago

          Amazon is already venturing into the medical field.

          • bobby_hill@lemmy.world
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            2 years ago

            Got that Amazon Prime Healthcare+ subscription: All ambulance rides are free, but the subscription costs you $999 per month

            • NightAuthor@lemmy.world
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              2 years ago

              https://www.amazon.com/gp/browse.html/

        • nonfuinoncuro@lemm.ee
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          2 years ago

          At least it’s not dated in the Year of the Depend Adult Undergarment

      • Phoenixz@lemmy.ca
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        2 years ago

        17 mbillion dollars

    • CoderKat@lemm.ee
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      2 years ago

      I don’t understand. Itemized medical bill? Do they make you pay for healthcare in your dream world?

  • 𝕯𝖎𝖕𝖘𝖍𝖎𝖙@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    Literal woke bs

    • gjoel@lemmy.ml
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      2 years ago

      On second thought, nevrmind.

      • 𝕯𝖎𝖕𝖘𝖍𝖎𝖙@lemmy.world
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        2 years ago

        I nevrdo.

  • Dagnet@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    Just 5 more mins

  • electrogamerman@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    I know im not dreaming because if I were, i would be constantly being stuffed by a huge dong every hour.

    • Acters@lemmy.world
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      2 years ago

      Who says that you can’t make your dreams reality?

      • electrogamerman@lemmy.world
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        2 years ago

        God, apparently

    • ForeverComical@lemmy.ca
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      2 years ago

      Does it hurt?

      • electrogamerman@lemmy.world
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        2 years ago

        Not after some practice

  • 🇰 🌀 🇱 🇦 🇳 🇦 🇰 🇮 🏆@yiffit.net
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    2 years ago

    I asked to be woken up when September ends. It’s October 10th. You’re late.

    • jasondj@ttrpg.network
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      2 years ago

      Me starting the toaster before wake-n-bake shitting. Hastily wiping my ass and washing my hands as the smoke detector goes off. Every goddamn day.

      For context, I toast in the air fryer and it defaults for 15 minutes and who the hell feels like turning that down.

  • ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    I fuckin wish this was all a dream

  • ivanafterall@kbin.social
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    2 years ago

    No repercussions for my actions, you say?

    • nnjethro@lemmy.world
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      2 years ago

      The dream has all the same repercussions within, unless you’re able to wake up… but you can’t wake up.

      • ivanafterall@kbin.social
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        2 years ago

        Don’t tell me how to dream!

  • chicken@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    2 years ago

    Implying you’re rich enough that they would keep the life support equipment plugged in for 20 years. It’s definitely a trick of some kind. Maybe there are limited slots in the Matrix and someone wants to kick you out so it can be their turn.

    • possibly a cat@lemmy.ml
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      2 years ago

      ,

  • pfjarschel@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    Why is this post just a black picture?

  • Agent641@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    Depends, is Harambe still alive in your world? If not, no deal.

  • Dr. Bluefall@toast.ooo
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    2 years ago

    …nah I’m good

  • SokathHisEyesOpen@lemmy.ml
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    2 years ago

    This explains a lot. I don’t know how to wake up though, and I’m unwilling to leave a solid life that I’ve built here in my dream to enter some reality where I’ve been asleep for 20 years, will have massive health issues, and will certainly be destitute and broke. So if you’re reading this, I’m doing well. Thanks for the concern, but I’m going to stay asleep. Cheers!

    • RiverGhost@slrpnk.net
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      2 years ago

      I struggle with mental health issues and a lot of the time I think I’m not okay at all and want to escape myself.

      Then a scenario like this comes up and I’m surprised to find out I wouldn’t want to wake up? Even if it’s only been a few weeks in “real life”, and I’d have no long term sequela from the coma, I’d still want to stay.

      Good sign I guess?

      • SokathHisEyesOpen@lemmy.ml
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        2 years ago

        It’s a sign that you recognize the good things in your life, even when faced with challenges. So yeah, good sign!

  • XTornado@lemmy.ml
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    Nah thanks… this dream is crazy I have to see how it ends… so many new plots every week.

    • ɐɥO@lemmy.ohaa.xyzOP
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      2 years ago

      please wake up.

  • Margot Robbie@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    Eh, I prefer the soft drink version.

    • LukeMedia@lemm.ee
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      2 years ago

      Where can I buy this, Margot Robbie?

      • Margot Robbie@lemmy.world
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        2 years ago

        Omega Mart (it’s an art installation disguised as a grocery store filled with weird products in Las Vegas, pretty cool place.)

  • thezeesystem@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    Been trying for 20 years, this world is shit. Just pull the plug. The trauma I have here is way to extreme.

    • SokathHisEyesOpen@lemmy.ml
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      2 years ago

      If Miles O’Brien can endure it, then so can you.

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