generally after i started to even look into ML politics i am calmer and less anxious and distraught than i used to be on a day to day basis, even month to month, whereas before my liberal politics with no material basis gave me troubles and constant anger and confusion and distress and (well most importantly) hopelessness at the world.

on the other hand i also do get so enraged every so often and i understand why lenin had a stroke because today i’m just mad as fuuuuck. don’t want to argue with someone that replied to me on one platform, don’t want to think about the stupid middle schooler i just saw parroting uyghur genocide in this day and age (yes, it’s of the age where it’s forgivable, i’m not mad at the actual kid as much as i of course am at the myth continuing to this DAY), don’t want to think about how many people are getting shot and killed and bombed right now in palestine or iran or anywhere else and how little most people care, don’t want to think about the eileen gu poster i saw vandalized to deride her chinese identity, i want to sit in bed and rot until my vision stops having a red vignette like i’m in some stupid video game. i’m going to practice gratitude and not resent my adhd or any other thing that’s afflicting me and i’m not gonna let my rage make me crumble like a cookie but wow, some days your brain just conspires against you.