for those of us who arent already mycologymaxxing, a lichen is a fungus that may be in a mutualistic relationship with various other yeasts, cyanobacteria, and algae. some have described them as fungi having discovered agriculture.

i tend to agree with this fungi-as-farmers take - in a few species that have been studied extensively, the “farmer” fungi build specialized structures around their livestock algae to harvest their output. sometimes the structures are used to cull older algae once they are unable to produce a net energy gain

aaaaanyway, here are some pertinent lichen facts, which i will then apply to my hypothesis

1. lichen grow on a substrate without damaging it

2. lichen extract sugars and sugar alcohols and store it within their thallus (non reproductive structures)

3. the thallus is made of hyphae, which are a series of tubes, much like a human being

4. lichen react to nearby water, which causes them to become more transparent and begin photosynthesis

I will need one brave lichenaut who meets the following criteria to begin my research:

-bald on a public-appropriate part of body which gets plenty of sunlight

-lighly damaged skin

-cool with sitting still for a long time while a foreign body slowly invades your capillaries (maybe)

-enjoys a light misting from time to time

It is my contention that lichen are the key to producing the worlds first photosynthesizing human. If you are selected to join this experiment, it will be brutal. people will call you a freak, a mushroom man (or yknow, whatever slur that combines your gendered appearance and a word for fungus), etc. but you may become humanity’s next stage of evolution… the choice is yours

so, what do you think? how are you lichen my proposal? do you think im a fun guy or maybe amanita take a break from thinking about shrooms?