Once every year or two I’ll have a vivid dream where I fall in love with a completely fictional dream character. It usually involves some sort of loss of them at the end, whether by dream or waking. And it fucks me up for like, days.

It’s wild to me that the psychological and chemical reaction to a dream can replicate the feelings of heartbreak so distinctly, particularly because I’m not a person who feels a strong sense of loneliness all too often.

What also gets me going, is that it challenges my history with waking love. I’m not entirely sure if I’ve ever felt romantic love for a waking person as acutely as these occasions I’ve fallen in love with a dream character.

This bothers me a little bit, because I’ve on multiple occasion questioned if I’m able to feel a genuine, healthy romantic love for others-- the very reason why I don’t involve myself in romantic relationships anymore, since I feel it’s unfair to all involved.

This will be on my mind all week.