🤔
This made me realize that my parents having me on a leash as a toddler may be why I have a leash kink as an adult. 🤔
When an animal is old and dying, you’re expected to euthanize it. When a human is old and dying, you’re expected to keep them alive as long as possible
How else do you plan to support the Healthcare industry?
Not really. I wish more parents would use kid leashes. They clip onto a harness, not a collar. In fact the old saying about kids being “tied to their mother’s apron strings” is literally this, to keep the little monsters from running off and getting hurt or lost.
No it’s not?
They make leashes specifically for toddlers. They’re pretty common.
I was on a leash as a kid in the early '80s 😂 I forgot all about it until I saw this post. It was just when we were out shopping or something, it wasn’t like I was tethered to a post in the back garden. But honestly, a leash on young toddlers just seems like a good idea to me, especially if you have 2 or more kids and you’re all out together. Lots of tragedies could have been avoided if little Willy and his new superpower of self-determined locomotion wasn’t able to suddenly take a sharp 45° turn and sprint headlong into oncoming traffic. Abductions would be a lot harder to pull off, too. Thinking of James Bulger, specifically 😔
I also think it’s way nicer/less “abusive” than placing the kid in a buggy/stroller and wheeling their grumpy asses around like yer bell-ringing fella from Breaking Bad. They have zero freedom in that case, whereas on a leash they can at least walk around a bit and expend some of that crazy fizzy energy.
My uncle used to tell us “fat kids are harder to kidnap” and we didn’t understand the joke even when we’d arrived at the ice cream place.
I remember seeing someone make an argument for leashes, and it stuck with me. Forgive me that I don’t remember the source, so this is paraphrasing at best.
First, you must throw out all of your thoughts and mental associations with the leash. You must consider this scenario on its own. It has nothing to do with pets, or anything like that. This is about parenting, and only parenting.
You might see a leash as degrading. And to an adult, or an older child, that would certainly be the case. But these are typically only used on small children who have not yet developed that concept. IOW, the child does not mind the leash, aside from wanting to go where the leash won’t allow.
You might think that the child’s curiosity is being limited. Kids need to run and be free! But if there were no leash, that wouldn’t be the case. Instead of a leash, a hyper-vigilant parent would be enforcing similar boundaries. In fact, most parents would be enforcing stricter boundaries- if you need to make sure Junior doesn’t run away, you might not let them walk anywhere. The simplest form is requiring them to hold your hand, which is like an even shorter leash.
Since they can’t just run away, you can even use a long leash. That allows them to run and explore and jump around, and have significantly greater freedoms, all because the string keeps them near enough. They might still fall and get hurt, but that’s part of growing up. And yes, at a certain point, they will need to learn impulse control to stay nearby without a leash. This doesn’t mean a leash is bad, only that it’s not for every circumstance and needs to be retired at some point.
Now, after all of the above, can you articulate why a leash is always bad? Keeping in mind the child doesn’t mind.
Anyone against this has never been the parent of a rambunctious, suicidal toddler. Those little buggers are fast and deadly curious.
Yep. I had one who would never stray far and didn’t want to cross the road without my say so until they were about 10. The other as soon as they were able to walk/run would high tail it to the nearest roadway the second your gaze wavered. Trying to convince my MIL that we weren’t abusive but just trying to keep our child alive until they knew better and could be reasoned with, was an ordeal. And holding their hand wasn’t much of an option because they would pull hard enough to dislocate their elbow. They also hated strollers or backpacks so that was not a viable option.
I read the OP as if they’re highlighting a double standard, rather than positing that OP themselves think they’re bad. “Can you articulate why a leash is always bad” seems improper if I understand OP correctly.
I could be wrong :P
This is mostly copied from my reply to another comment:
Parents get tired. In fact, most parents have chronic levels of sleep deprivation which impairs things like concentration, reflexes, ability to pay attention, etc. Then you have parents who might be working multiple jobs, be dealing with health issues that affect sleep, etc. A leash would make that job to keep kids safe much easier.
No leash equals a non-abusive, even though not every situation can allow a parent to keep 100% focus on the child, but using a leash the parent suddenly becomes abusive?
Should a parent not give the kid a helmet when learning to ride a bike then also? Does using a helmet mean the parent is abusive?
I just don’t understand this. I cannot fathom that someone would criticize a thing that objectively and provably make life in the world safer for children. It’s just another tool to help kids get to grow up.
There are countless stories of children just walking away in the 3 to 5 seconds a parent looks away where the child falls off a height, falls into water (not every parent can swim, and not all waters are swimable), gets picked up by a stranger in a crowd, etc. Situations that a leash would 100% have saved the child’s life.
And when these people are confronted on why it’s abusive or “embarrassing for the child”, they don’t have an answer.
They might say something out of left field like “children aren’t dogs!”, to which I say “yes, you’re right. Children aren’t dogs. Very good! Now about the leash, why is it abusive?”
I’ve never broken a bone, but I did get a dislocated elbow once when I was quite young, maybe 2 or 3. I was a dumb stubborn kid who threw a tantrum in the middle of a street and my mom had to grab me by the arm and drag me to safety. I fought her so hard I dislocated my elbow. I’m not sure if a leash would have made that situation more manageable, but I wouldn’t have blamed my parents for trying it. Sometimes kids go through a feral animal phase and you just have to deal with it however you can.
Yup, that’s called nurse maid’s elbow. It’s incredibly common. It’s almost always caused by a kid trying to yank themselves away. And it happens because at that young the tendons aren’t strong enough to hold that amount of weight/tension.
And putting it back is an easy process, if you know how to do it. Pain almost immediately goes away, though they need to be in a sling.
though they need to be in a sling.
Not true, my son got nurse maid’s elbow. He was crying almost non-stop for 5 hours between it happening to the doctor walking into the doctor’s room. The instant the doctor manipulated his arm he stopped crying and it was like nothing happened.
Typically, the sling is to reduce the chance of repeat injury, not for pain.
Well according to the doc that’s not a concern unless the same force is applied again.
I used to run into traffic when I was a kid, so my mom put me on a leash.
Still never been hit by a car, so overall I think it was a good call. I don’t feel degraded by it.
Good on your mom! And glad you were safe!
Counterpoint: children are people
I grew up with my father working night shifts and my mother being tired all the time, I didn’t need a leash.
Children are a lot more capable and resilient if you give them the chance to be, and insulating them from small forms of possible harm doesn’t help their development.
Now I am not saying “let your toddler run around a highway” but if you pick a reasonable place for your child to play there’s no need for a fucking leash 99% of the time.
That’s not a great take.
Children are people, don’t make them wear diapers! They can pee anywhere they want!
Children are people! Don’t limit their screen time! If you just give them plenty of toys, they will be capable of limiting their own screen time!
Children are people! They are resilient! Let them watch R-rated films and have unfettered access to the Internet!
No one is talking about putting a leash on an eight year old. We’re talking about letting a 14 month old get to experience the privilege of walking in a public place rather than being trapped on Mom’s hip or in a stroller.
children are people
Very good! I’d give you a sticker, but I don’t know where you live.
insulating them from small forms of possible harm doesn’t help their development.
And a leash doesn’t do that. Being a hover parent does.
if you pick a reasonable place for your child to play there’s no need for a fucking leash 99% of the time.
What? Is that how you people think using a leash works? You think a leash is put on the child in the morning and isn’t taken off until the end of the day? Are you for real with that? Forget it, you don’t get a sticker for saying the dumbest thing I’ve heard today. And I’ve already watched a video about a flat earther.
You are absolutely insane and a lazy ass parent lmfao
Learning’s hard, eh?
I am reflecting on my own parenting. I see possible benefits of a leash.
We’ve never used a leash. Instead I do a lot of yelling / stern vocalizations to keep kids away from areas they shouldn’t be. My approach is fraught with negative side effects because I often come off as angry, and my spouse and I work on checking me if it gets to be too much.
A leash could be a good alternative, or just an additional option to incorporate. It’s food for thought.
Instead I do a lot of yelling / stern vocalizations to keep kids away from areas they shouldn’t be.
It’s a natural instinct to convey urgency of danger. It works for adults but it can be damaging to kids.
The truth is that in a life or death situation, you do whatever you need to do to keep kids safe.
That depends. If its a choke chain then either group is abusive. One morning I witnessed some asshole who had a steel cable around a two or three year old kids neck as a choke chain. Later I found out the kid was autistic. This was found out after they kid was taken from his parents and was tested.
Been a long time, but back in the 90s/early 00s, I saw tons of parents with their kids on leashes at amusement parks… It always made me lol at the absurdity, but it was relatively prominent.
I was a leash kid in the early 90s. I do not feel dehumanized knowing that was the case, like some of these childless reactionaries in the comments are claiming.
I laughed too, until I raised a toddler with ADHD. He wasn’t diagnosed yet, but lord was it obvious he had the markers. Never leashed him, but definitely ran after him a lot, and had to keep a hyperfocused eye on him at all times.
I don’t laugh as hard now, I still giggle, but just not as hard
I want to know what psychologists say about this
“Your mom!”
No u!
Says who?
I’ve seen plenty of small kids on wrist leashes since the 80’s.
Also, there’s a vast difference between a kid and even a dog, when it comes to autonomy - your goal is to slowly develop a kid’s autonomy so they can be independent. Some kids/circumstances can be very challenging to negotiate safely.
With dogs, you have to do the reverse - condition them so they’ll want to defer their autonomy to you. And with some dogs, even with the best, most capable trainers in the world they’ll still dart after that rabbit or whatever catches their eye.
AFAIK it’s acceptable if the parent is walking or sitting with the child. It’s only abusive if you tie the leash outside while you go run some errands in a store, or if left attached in the backyard.
Yeah, that’s why you left them in the car
They like the warmth. It sends them to sleep.
Yes officer, this right here.
Leashing kids is not normal, or acceptable.
I grew up with 6 siblings, and divorced parents. Never in my life have I, or my siblings, been leashed (by our parents at least).
I’d never even seen a child on a leash until I went to the Georgia Aquarium, where I saw lots of kids on leashes. All the kids had the same kind of parent holding the lead. Some huge bitch with her nose stuck in her phone instead of enjoying the day with her kid that she fucking paid for.
Leashes are not normal, they are a sign of abuse.
“Oh, it’s needed for the kid’s safety”
No, it is not. I’ve been to cliffs, canyons, Yellowstone, caves and big cities in all kinds of venues, and I’ve only seen kids on leashes specifically in child-friendly venues, playgrounds, museums, and zoos, in the Bible-belt areas of the US. It’s not dangerous for kids to be off a leash and have some autonomy. If you are taking them to a place where it’s dangerous for them to act like children…then why the fuck are you taking them there in the first place?!
“My kid has special needs…”
Still doesn’t need a fucking leash. I worked at a daycamp for special needs children, and we never leashed or even restrained a child unless they were doing something dangerous to themselves or others. Even then, there was paperwork for the incident, and the restraint was always temporary. At 16 years old, I was a camp counselor for 4 special needs children at a time. An adult does not need a leash for just one.
There is one thing that leashes give parents, and that is a sense of physical domination of their child. Anything else is just an excuse.
It’s normal enough. I saw a couple of kids on wrist leashes just this weekend at a very crowded outdoor event. The kids were probably about 2 and 3. I have a 3 year old as well, and didn’t have him on a leash because he’s responsive to my voice calling him and has decent (for his age) impulse control. I didn’t judge or have negative impressions of those parents. They were present and just trying to enjoy the event with their kids. It’s HIGHLY kid dependent. When I was a toddler, I was the type to just run off in a crowd and I could have saved my mother a lot of grief and panic if she had a leash for me. It’s just another tool available to parents.
It’s important not to project your feelings as an adult, because you have different assumptions, associations and contexts tied to leashes than a toddler does. Generally, toddlers are taught to have shame or be embarrassed about things, their default sentiment to most things is extremely pragmatic. A toddler on a leash will be focused on the tactile sensation of it on their wrist or body, the effect it has of limiting their movement, and not much else. Think about when you saw those kids on leashes… were they upset about the leash? Were they trying to get out of it? Were they asking their guardians to please take it off? Or were they just kinda being silly kids running around exploring?
Also to this:
If you are taking them to a place where it’s dangerous for them to act like children…*then why the fuck are you taking them there in the first place?!*
Sometimes you just have no other option. A fair price for babysitting is $20+ USD an hour. Not every toddler is in or has access to daycare. Not every family has grandparents close enough to drop them off with. Sometimes bringing them along to a place with you is the only way they’ll have supervision.
Think about when you saw those kids on leashes… were they upset about the leash?
Probably, but I think at that point they’d learned not to complain to the person holding the lead that can yank them around like a dog.
I can tell you they weren’t playing with the other kids. They were the only kids at the aquarium watching their parent more than the fish.
If it’s so normal, where are all the movies and TV shows that portray kids on leashes? Where are the documentaries where people are waking around with leashed kids in the background? You don’t see it, because it’s not normal (in the US at least) outside of some very regressive areas.
Sometimes bringing them along to a place with you is the only way they’ll have supervision.
I think we need to make a distinction between places that are dangerous for kids, and places that are inconvenient for parents. You don’t have to take your toddler on a cliff walk, and you don’t need to leash them at the grocery store, or the bank.
I’ve personally only seen kids on leashes in the context I mentioned above, of a large, crowded event where a few bodies moving in the way of your kid will break line of sight entirely. Outdoor festivals, concerts, fairs, amusement parks etc. I have never seen a kid on a leash at a playground or park or bank or grocery store etc. Toddlers are small and if there’s a lot of bodies around it would be VERY easy to lose sight of them. If my kid ran off and broke my line of sight of him in a crowd I absolutely would have a moment of panic. Again, I’m not going to judge other parents for finding solutions to problems that don’t harm the child.
I got away from my mother at a large event, and left her panicking and organizing other parents to search for me. When they found me she spanked me and yelled at me for running off. It wasn’t the first time and wouldn’t be the last. Obviously hitting me was wrong, but she was terrified of what could have happened to me. If she had just used a tether it would never have happened.
Something’s lack of representation in media is not exactly a reliable metric of commonality, if it was, gay people sprang into being in the late 90s.
Your gay analogy doesn’t work, because a culture of persecuting and demonizing gay people for thousands of years might have something to do with their refusal to publicly out themselves.
Wrong, it’s perfectly normal.
From the sounds of things, you are not a parent trying to comment on things you know nothing about. The leash actually gives toddlers freedom they wouldn’t otherwise have. It lets them walk around, with some constraints, instead of being stuck riding in a stroller all the time. Kids at that age will jet off real quick. You take your eyes off then for a second and they’re gone.
It’s not perfectly normal. Believe it or not, I was a child at one time. Never put on a leash. My brothers and sisters, never leashed. Nieces and nephews? No leashes for them. Okay maybe it’s just my family.
Going to parties with other kids? Never saw a child on a leash there.
Out of state? I traveled many states as a kid, I didn’t see other kids on leashes at the ST. Louis Arch, nor at the Smithsonian.
The first time I saw a kid on a leash, was in Atlanta, at age 14.
It. Is. Not. Fucking. Normal.
Just because YOU weren’t didn’t mean it isn’t common. Your parents did it the hard way. For no reason.
I was leashed as a toddler in the early 90s. I am not ashamed of that.
You don’t leash kids at parties, that’s an enclosed private space with little risk of them running off, what a weird pointless anecdote. You apparently being sheltered isn’t a good argument.
Sounds like you weren’t going to places where very young children were in attendance. You use them in busy public places that require movement. Like a zoo. You see them all the time at places like that. It’s better than a stroller and you don’t have to worry about a half second of taking your eyes off the kids, they’re jetting into the crowd. Even more useful if you have multiples.
You apparently being sheltered isn’t a good argument.
Complete missed where I had traveled across the US as a kid.
I don’t think I was a sheltered kid. 7 of us vs one parent at a time didn’t leave a lot of bandwidth for them to be helicopter parents. Wasn’t a latchkey kid either. I’d walk myself and my brothers home from school most days. During the summer we’d walk down to the pool on our own, or sometimes take a younger sibling with us if they wanted to go (surprise surprise, no leashes at the pool) or we’d walk across town and grab snacks from the grocery store (still no leashes).
Leashing kids is not normal, if you don’t believe me, try to find video of a place where more than 3 are leashed in the background of a news report or puff piece.
The vast majority of kids aren’t leashed. It’s not normal.
Traveling across the US doesn’t mean you went to places where small kids congregated. It’s also more common NOW than it was back then.
Why are you acting like people are leashing 8-10 year olds. You use them when the kids are 1-3 so they’re not stuck in their stroller the whole time you’re at some public place (which is probably what your parents did with you). It really sounds like you think parents are tying their kid to a post, instead of having a connection on their wrist. Your arguments come across as if you have zero idea what we’re talking about and only had a visceral overreaction to just hearing this concept for the first time.
The kids often enjoy it, too. They think they’re the ones leading their parents.
try to find video of a place where more than 3 are leashed in the background of a news report or puff piece.
What a stupidly arbitrary and specific demand for proof.
Why are you acting like people are leashing 8-10 year olds.
The kids I saw leashed were primarily in the 6-12 range if I had to guess. They absolutely were not 2-4.
What a stupidly arbitrary and specific demand for proof.
I can find you a video of a news report with kids in the background where none of them are leashed in just a few minutes, mainly because the vast majority of children are not put on leashes.
Why don’t you write me an essay about how you feel? Nevermind, you already did.
Why don’t you write a snide comment that adds nothing to the conversation?
Nevermind, you already did.
That’s actually a common practice in some areas. I saw people doing it in London for example.
I’ve seen it in Europe a few times. Sometimes children just want to be a menace and a leash is the only thing to keep them safe. Or so the parents say.
If I had a kid they’d 100% be on a leash in public to an uncomfortable age.
In reality I’d probably just shove an ipad in front of their face and call it a day, like the rest of my peers.
“Dad…I’m 22…”
“And you’re still not to be trusted!”
As a former 22 year old, I should have absolutely been on a leash
People like pets. Nobody likes children.
This one guy always hanged at our playground and really did seem to like children. Always had candy on the back of his van as well.
I like them when they hit age 10-11 or so and their logic circuits start to kick in.
But when they’re really young you can do things like convince them that trees walk and that’s why trees in cities are in those little cages or pens. (They do actually use their roots to pull themselves around a bit, but it takes a very long time for the amount of movement to be noticeable.)
I did use my powers for evil once and convinced the neighbor kid that string cheese came from cheese trees.
