So a few weeks ago i had a bout with a close friend of mine (autistic nb) who lashed at me because i wasn’t supportive enough when they had a rough patch. I agree with this assessment mostly but pointed out to them that as im autistic i couldnt read the room and i was shut down that this is exactly a lot of autistic man’s way to make excuses for not putting in any effort to improve their communication.

After that i did a bit of self exploration and i did recognize that i do actually have problems with this (though with reservations that aren’t relevant here) and i feel like while most things i am completely able to communicate assertively and even proactively and have been praised for my emotional intelligence multiple times but this communication thing to me still feels like i am just playing cards in my head and my deck is completely unprepared for this scenario - someone going through it and needing support.

So does anyone have any resources (books/articles/anything i can read mostly cause im not a video person) i can start on this?

  • mrfugu [he/him, any]@hexbear.netEnglish
    7·
    2 days ago

    My teeny bit of advice:

    Step 1. If you think there’s any possibility someone’s not feeling well just ask (2 hour minimum interval)

    Step 2. If they say they’re fine/ok, take them at face value. If they’re not ok see how you can help.

    I find most people (read: mature adults) will appreciate the check in and will understand at a minimum that autism makes it hard to read people well. My experience with autism is definitely that I will shrug off social indicators as “not concrete enough” but just asking people how they’re doing even if you’re often wrong is a clear way of showing that you do care even if your emotional barometer sucks.

    • DivineChaos100 [none/use name]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
      4·
      2 days ago

      My experience with autism is definitely that I will shrug off social indicators as “not concrete enough” but just asking people how they’re doing even if you’re often wrong is a clear way of showing that you do care even if your emotional barometer sucks.

      Yeah that’s where i am at, basically i am just guessing how other people feel most of the time and whether im correct depends on how much i have been in an exactly alike situation before. Thanks!

      • mrfugu [he/him, any]@hexbear.netEnglish
        5·
        2 days ago

        Fair. I should clarify that my 2 hour minimum interval only applies when I observe new evidence or source of emotional distress.

        It’s also important to remember people have their own emotional sharing thresholds that you need to respect. Some people need to be checked on multiple times and some need to be left alone.