So a few weeks ago i had a bout with a close friend of mine (autistic nb) who lashed at me because i wasn’t supportive enough when they had a rough patch. I agree with this assessment mostly but pointed out to them that as im autistic i couldnt read the room and i was shut down that this is exactly a lot of autistic man’s way to make excuses for not putting in any effort to improve their communication.
After that i did a bit of self exploration and i did recognize that i do actually have problems with this (though with reservations that aren’t relevant here) and i feel like while most things i am completely able to communicate assertively and even proactively and have been praised for my emotional intelligence multiple times but this communication thing to me still feels like i am just playing cards in my head and my deck is completely unprepared for this scenario - someone going through it and needing support.
So does anyone have any resources (books/articles/anything i can read mostly cause im not a video person) i can start on this?
I solve this the autistic way and just ask people how they want me to support them. It may not be romantic where I automatically know what they need and do it without them telling me, but it can’t be wrong if I’m reliant on how they tell me they like to be supported.
I think the book I read that helped me understand communicating was “Feeling good together” by David Burns. I did a lot of the techniques given to make me a better communicator and listener
I think directly asking is part of an ideal non-autistic strategy too. There’s a huge difference between being ‘neurotypical’ and being a damned mind reader.
Yeah that’s one thing i tried and will probably go back to it since i wasn’t making it often enough to stick. Also saved the book! Thanks a lot!