Women still do the bulk of household chores, management, raising kids and the mental load of it all. When cohabiting, how have you shared them, and how did it effect you?
Women still do the bulk of household chores, management, raising kids and the mental load of it all. When cohabiting, how have you shared them, and how did it effect you?
Many years ago I was withy ex and he was “one of the good ones”. Really nice man, and a good person. But he just did NOT do his fair share of things. His dad did nothing and mum did it all, so although he denied it, he expected the same.
He had to be screamed at repeatedly to do anything. He’d forget tasks because he made no effort whatsoever to try to remember them, and would NEVER put it right when he forgot. I would often literally sob and plead, saying how hurtful it was that he saw me as a servant. He just wouldn’t do it.
I’ve never been able to fathom how so many men just sit and watch their partners doing it all. I just can’t fathom treating a partner like that.
I know people IRL that are like this, it’s always shocking to me the way even decent men (kind men, liberal men, emotionally sensitive men) are just so entitled and blind to the way they expect the woman to do all the housework…
Honestly I don’t see a relationship like that working in the long term, I think it undermines marriages and builds resentment, it’s a shitty and impractical approach as well as unjust.
It only “works” as long as the woman is willing to subject herself to that, but no matter how much she tries it is going to be exhausting and create problems in the long run. (If not total failure of the relationship, at least increased instability and conflict. )
Unfortunately then it makes it look like the woman is at fault, when things fail because she just can’t keep going, especially when the man just thinks this arrangement is “normal”. The victim becomes the bad-guy and is easy to blame (when someone is at the end of their ability to keep going they don’t always act in the best ways - they probably get angry, or spiteful, or cold - either way it’s easy for the man to think the problem is the woman).
But men sometimes get even worse notions in their head, I listened to a man complain once about (trigger warning: sexual assault) how women he let stay at his place were so awful for not understanding the “obvious” rule that if someone lets you stay at their house they have a right to have sex with you any time they want. Honestly it sounds like he initiated sex non-consensually and was frustrated when the woman didn’t go along. I was so shocked and then scared I didn’t say anything, but this kind of thinking among men is terrifying and I worry more common than is comfortable to consider.
Mate I found myself nodding and going “oh yeah” out loud reading your comment. You’re right it’s impractical, causes resentment and damages the relationship. Men like that see themselves as victim because they see nothing wrong in their behavior so why would she be screaming at him about it? It’s hard to see how men like this can see racism and homophobia/transphobia in other people’s actions (or at least respect group members that point it out) but are oblivious to misogyny.
That guys attitudes are scary, I’m sorry you had to hear it. I wish I could say its incredibly rare, but those attitudes aren’t.