My girlfriend is really close with her siblings and every second week of the month she always has all of them over to have dinner at our apartment so they can get together. It’s a large group of 5 other siblings so it gets loud but it’s all fun and they’re very nice people and we all get along. Her brother is really cool and builds computers for fun and I think that takes a level of knowledge that I don’t really posses so I’m like very happy for people who do things like that and I do see building computer is a hobby because it takes skill determination and a lot of time to do and there’s a healthy component behind I think. I think I see it as a puzzle.
He got upset at me though when we were talking about some computer parts, he was saying how one computer part is running very hot that it burns the cables and breaks the computer and even though this happens he says it’s rare and he still wants one. I asked him how that happens and he said it’s usually because the parts are put under a lot of pressure when they’re being used and sometimes they get really hot and they break and he said it’s usually because of a video game. I laughed a bit and said something like “breaking a computer over an video game lol” but I don’t think he got it and he said “well that’s the whole point of the parts to play video games.”
I laughed a bit but he wasn’t laughing and looked like a said something rude. I apologized for not knowing about the computers and he said it was okay. I told him that I only play Mario kart every now and then and that it’s my favorite game because me and my gf play it every now and then and that’s when he said “that’s a good hobby for you both” and I got confused and said “it’s not a hobby just a bit of fun.” He said hobbies are supposed to be fun and that’s why games are hobbies because they take a lot of time and energy. I frankly disagree with this so I told him “people put time and effort in work but work isn’t a hobby” and he got mad again and said “you don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I think I upset him over the computer parts so I tried to make it up to him by saying “I think building computers is a hobby and that takes time and effort” but then he said “don’t patronize me I know what you’re doing” so things got really sour. He left the dinner table and went to watch tv.
After driving him home my sister told me that he spent a lot of money like thousands on online card games and that it was a sensitive topic for him. I didn’t mean to offend I really like him but now I feel like he probably thinks I’m some condescending person. Is there any way I can make it up to him?
Anything you do for entertainment, that you don’t get paid for…is a hobby. You don’t have to be good at it. It doesn’t even need to be a skilled task.
I see but if he spending thousands on video games it’s not a hobby anymore but an addiction
Scuba and sky diving regularly is extremely expensive. Are those not hobbies? Sorry but you’re just squarely wrong here.
I think those give the people a level of satisfaction with completing it. I think a hobby is something you enjoy not something that makes you react in anger. I know I don’t have any control over how he feels about things but if he’s happier building a computer and less happy playing a game then I see that building computers is a hobby but playing games is an unhealthy and harmful addiction to him personally
If you scolded a sky diver for how much they spent on their harness or a scuba diver for how much their dive computer cost, they’d be pissed too.
I think you’re conflating gaming with spending addiction. Maybe he does have a problem, maybe he doesn’t. It’s still a hobby. There are many games that challenge the player mentally, and provide immense satisfaction when completed.
All you can do is apologize, but only if you mean it, because the vibes I’m getting from the comments are that you don’t want to understand and just want to not be in trouble. Sorry if that’s presumptuous!
I’ll apologize but I think hobbies are something you pay money to enjoy. An addiction is just chasing that stimuli without having a genuinely good positive connection to what gives the person the stimuli. Something like sky diving or scuba is what I’d consider good stimuli because it’s something that is good for the body, being locked in a room stomping and yelping and spending thousands of dollars on a video game isn’t a hobby. It might be a spending problem like you said but I think building computers is his hobby and video games is his addiction