Ugh it has been whitey hot takes all over these last few days, it seems. A few days ago I mentioned earlier in the thread about some cracker shit I saw. I don’t want to stir up e-drama, but it’s a person I’ve had “encounters” with before and I ate a temp ban for it.
The thread about your brother is so obnoxious people sided against you. Like if you don’t want people texting you while you’re sleeping, change the settings in your phone. It’s not hard lmao. Seeing all these so-called “allies” pearl clutching makes me think more and more the Third World Maoists are onto something.
I genuinely cannot stop beating myself up, feeling torment, and living life in avoidance and constant fear because of this. It’s one thing to have people disagree with you on a maybe less-than-optimal take. It’s another thing altogether when multiple people say you’re the villain in a serious conflict and you have to live every single day not knowing how true that is, and this is exacerbated by the way my mind works.
How does my mind work? If I can make two assumptions: a positive one and a negative one, I always assume the negative one is more likely to be true unless I get proven otherwise.
I’m honestly not certain if I’m the bad one in this situation… even my therapist flat-out said, “Your brother seriously is just not a critical thinker,” but I am still thinking to isolate myself from people just because I am scared of hurting them the same way. My therapist also said this could be due to the fact that my parents were quick to always assume bad faith with me, and if I ever fucked something up, they’d assume it’s because of malice or deliberate sabotage rather than ignorance.
I can’t calm down, and I literally might go to my clinic to see if I can get a quick emergency session because of the amount of anguish I feel because of this. It’s bad. I’ve had anxiety because of people’s comments before, but literally none have made me this broken. I have to go to the pharmacy to refill a medication anyway, and the clinic is right next to it, so I might as well…
I also would be horrified to cause any sadness to my friend. She literally texts me good night texts or will randomly send me a text saying things like
Hey I really am grateful for your friendship, thank you for being such a caring person ☀️
She also told me that she cannot relate to most people, so me and her husband would be her only friends.
I don’t wanna take that away from someone if they genuinely mean it, but it’s hard because I also cannot bring myself to further a relationship if I’m 99.99% confident I will say or do something to harm this person at some point.
And, quite obviously, I respect her far too much to ghost her, so that’s not an option either.
I’m sorry you’re suffering so much. I like seeing you around and would be sad if you stopped posting, but at the same time you have to do what you have to do for your health and safety. This response sounds really unhealthy and I would guess your therapist is right, there’s some really deep trauma it’s hooking into because without some missing piece the level of distress you feel about it doesn’t make sense. Someone on the internet was wrong, and was wrong about you, and then people upvoted it likely following a bandwagon effect (automatically upvoting the highest rated comment because it’s the highest). You weren’t in the wrong, and many more people than I have told you so, but the fact that one person said otherwise has had a disproportionately harsh impact on you. I hope you can get another session to help you soothe.
FWIW I bet you’re a much more liked Hexbearian here than that other poster who had the objectively incorrect take siding with your brother.
Yeah, and people definitely need to stop doing that blind upbearing bandwagon shit because it’s brainrot that has gotten POC deeply concerned about the level of racism on this website in the past. Something that white leftists do that’s really fucking annoying is that they assume that everyone in leftist spaces is based, but that’s because of projection. They themselves don’t ever want to admit their reactionary brainworms or things like their complicity in white supremacy—they want to uphold themselves as “one of the good ones” without doing any of the fucking work, so they’ll assume that every other white leftist is as “based” as they think they are and they can blindly upvote racist comments on Hexbear and feel like there’s nothing problematic about it when their entire fucking outlook on race is problematic. They have no awareness, and if what you’re saying is true—that these upbears stem from the bandwagon effect—then, quite frankly, fuck this site for putting me on the edge of extreme mental breakdown and getting myself hospitalized to face excessive racist and transphobic discrimination and only make my life worse than it already is.
Ugh it has been whitey hot takes all over these last few days, it seems. A few days ago I mentioned earlier in the thread about some cracker shit I saw. I don’t want to stir up e-drama, but it’s a person I’ve had “encounters” with before and I ate a temp ban for it.
The thread about your brother is so obnoxious people sided against you. Like if you don’t want people texting you while you’re sleeping, change the settings in your phone. It’s not hard lmao. Seeing all these so-called “allies” pearl clutching makes me think more and more the Third World Maoists are onto something.
I genuinely cannot stop beating myself up, feeling torment, and living life in avoidance and constant fear because of this. It’s one thing to have people disagree with you on a maybe less-than-optimal take. It’s another thing altogether when multiple people say you’re the villain in a serious conflict and you have to live every single day not knowing how true that is, and this is exacerbated by the way my mind works.
How does my mind work? If I can make two assumptions: a positive one and a negative one, I always assume the negative one is more likely to be true unless I get proven otherwise.
I’m honestly not certain if I’m the bad one in this situation… even my therapist flat-out said, “Your brother seriously is just not a critical thinker,” but I am still thinking to isolate myself from people just because I am scared of hurting them the same way. My therapist also said this could be due to the fact that my parents were quick to always assume bad faith with me, and if I ever fucked something up, they’d assume it’s because of malice or deliberate sabotage rather than ignorance.
I can’t calm down, and I literally might go to my clinic to see if I can get a quick emergency session because of the amount of anguish I feel because of this. It’s bad. I’ve had anxiety because of people’s comments before, but literally none have made me this broken. I have to go to the pharmacy to refill a medication anyway, and the clinic is right next to it, so I might as well…
I also would be horrified to cause any sadness to my friend. She literally texts me good night texts or will randomly send me a text saying things like
She also told me that she cannot relate to most people, so me and her husband would be her only friends.
I don’t wanna take that away from someone if they genuinely mean it, but it’s hard because I also cannot bring myself to further a relationship if I’m 99.99% confident I will say or do something to harm this person at some point.
And, quite obviously, I respect her far too much to ghost her, so that’s not an option either.
I’m sorry you’re suffering so much. I like seeing you around and would be sad if you stopped posting, but at the same time you have to do what you have to do for your health and safety. This response sounds really unhealthy and I would guess your therapist is right, there’s some really deep trauma it’s hooking into because without some missing piece the level of distress you feel about it doesn’t make sense. Someone on the internet was wrong, and was wrong about you, and then people upvoted it likely following a bandwagon effect (automatically upvoting the highest rated comment because it’s the highest). You weren’t in the wrong, and many more people than I have told you so, but the fact that one person said otherwise has had a disproportionately harsh impact on you. I hope you can get another session to help you soothe.
FWIW I bet you’re a much more liked Hexbearian here than that other poster who had the objectively incorrect take siding with your brother.
Yeah, and people definitely need to stop doing that blind upbearing bandwagon shit because it’s brainrot that has gotten POC deeply concerned about the level of racism on this website in the past. Something that white leftists do that’s really fucking annoying is that they assume that everyone in leftist spaces is based, but that’s because of projection. They themselves don’t ever want to admit their reactionary brainworms or things like their complicity in white supremacy—they want to uphold themselves as “one of the good ones” without doing any of the fucking work, so they’ll assume that every other white leftist is as “based” as they think they are and they can blindly upvote racist comments on Hexbear and feel like there’s nothing problematic about it when their entire fucking outlook on race is problematic. They have no awareness, and if what you’re saying is true—that these upbears stem from the bandwagon effect—then, quite frankly, fuck this site for putting me on the edge of extreme mental breakdown and getting myself hospitalized to face excessive racist and transphobic discrimination and only make my life worse than it already is.