I suffer from health anxiety and BPD, and had been experiencing severe migraines that unfortunately my brain convinced me were due to a brain tumor, even though i am actually diagnosed w chronic migraines and had had a clear brain scan a few months before.
I was in a lot of pain, as I cannot take migraines meds (triptans) bc they have a pharmacological interaction with my antidepressants, and kept obsessively making up scenarios where I had terminal cancer. As a result my anxiety-drained self guided by the impulsivity inherent to both BPD and physical pain decided to attempt suicide by taking 15 Wellbutrin pills. My rationale was the typical euthanasia due to terminal illness situation, I’d rather control and how and when I’ll die instead of having a disease do it for me, the only problem with this reasoning is that i dont actually have said disease.
A few hours in I started shaking a lot, my heart was racing, i could feel my blood flowing through my veins and started hallucinating sounds. I seriously thought I was gonna die. Upon finding me in this state my parents rushed to the hospital, but unfortunately it was too late to get ny stomach pumped so I just stayed inpatient for observation and they gave me a vicodin for the headache.
As of right now I’m still in the hospital, but now in the psychiatric ward for obvious reasons. I still feel shaky and a bit zonked from the vicodin, but the pain couldn’t resist the power of opioids so at least my headache is gone.
However I feel like I underwent some kind of cognitive damage. I can’t think straight and keep forgetting words, it does scare me that I’ll never recover to be honest. I had extreme tachicardia when i came in so they performed an ECG, naturally my heart is fucked up.
This is ridiculous, i almost died to escape from a terminal illness that i dont have. My parents are devastated, and so is my little sis. All because the fucking monster that is anxiety, it’s a terrible extremely debilitating illness and i hate how trivialized its become.
Sorry for the long post and sorry if im not making much sense. I’m very very intoxicated and couldn’r be bothered to write an articulate text.
How old are you? You don’t have to be specific to avoid identifying info, but you sound v. young, and the younger you are the more likely the brain is to recover from damage. You will almost certainly be fine long term.
Brain fog and an inability to remember words (aphasia) can be caused by simple inflammation in the brain, it doesn’t need there to be actual damage. It can also be caused by migraines (which you have) and stressful situations (which you’re in).
Also, you’ve admitted that you tend to have anxiety about your health, and to imagine illnesses that you don’t have (I do the same thing) so keep that in mind when you’re worried about brain damage or whatever. It’s just your mind playing tricks on you!
I’m 18 and a half, but as far as emotional stability goes I’m probably 7. You’re right though, i’m young and generally physically healthy yet my brain keeps convincing me there’s something wrong with me. Anxiety is the worst. In all fairness my heart did sustain some damage, but i’m in good care and what i should be thinking about now is fixing my mental issues that led to the whole situation in the first place. Thank you.
I’m glad you’re alive, comrade :heart-sickle:
I remember your post from a few days ago about your debilitating migraine, and I’m so sorry that it has brought you to ending up at the hospital. I have never been on anti-anxiety meds or migraine meds, so I have no useful advice to give, aside from noting that I’ve heard that sometimes doctors don’t take pain seriously. I don’t know if there are different options for you that might help manage your pain other than triptans, but push your doctor to look–there might be some option they haven’t considered. On the other hand, I know in your other post you said you didn’t want to go off the anti-anxiety meds because they were working, but maybe there’s something similar you could take that wouldn’t interfere with triptans? In other words, have a serious talk with your doctors and advocate for yourself so that you can hopefully find a solution that will take both your mental health and you pain seriously. Especially since your pain is having a real effect on your mental health, it’s clear that you can’t just let the migraines go.
Also, I’m so glad for you that you have parents and a sister that love you! That is wonderful. Be honest with them, don’t try to “suck it up” or protect them from how you’re feeling. It’s worse to feel like there’s something being hidden from you, I promise.
Again, I’m so glad you’re still here with us, and hopeful that better health is in your future.
When did this happen? I was hospitalized from serotonin syndrome for maybe a week. Your brain isn’t damaged. You’re still ill. If you weren’t on pain killers, you’d realize that you are actually still sick.
I went through the whole psych ward thing too. I kept getting angry that they had to observe me pee. My gf had to explain to me that getting angry wasn’t going to make them stop. it’d make it worse.
In a bizarre way, being hospitalized for suicide is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity because this is the time you can fully disclose. Healthy people never have a moment where they can entirely throw themselves on their supporters, entirely drop every pretense. It’s a cliche because it’s true, you can actually come out a better person.
Sending good vibes comrade, solidarity on health anxiety, I never hear anyone talk about it but it can be incredibly debilitating for me. Hope things level out for you soon
Sorry for the long post and sorry if im not making much sense
Literally the last thing you should be apologizing for.
I’m glad you’re still here and posting from the hospital.
I wouldn’t worry that you have permanent damage. You just went through a ton of shit, and you probably still have drugs in your system.
Comrade. I’m glad you’re in a safe place for now. Just do the best you can to try to breathe, and slow down, and go easy on yourself. :af-heart:
Hope you get better soon, probably too early to worry about long term effects. Talk with your relatives and medics to make them understand the pain, every article I have read about Cluster Headache mention that in most cases the patients playdown the severity of the pain in order to try having a normal life, which ends up being a bad idea because of things like this, like the exact same escenario. Maybe it could help you contacting people with a similar condition, at least in facebook or something. My gf felt really relieved the first time she joined one of those groups.
Get well soon.
I am very glad that you are still with us comrade. I wish you the real fucking best, honestly, what happened to you sounds terrifying, especially the fact that your own brain pushed you to do it. That’s horrific. Kudos and big props on you for pulling through.
Nothing but love for you comrade, take some time to rest and enjoy the opiates. Glad you’re still with us.
Have you told your family about your tumor anxiety? It would probably ease most of their worries. Stay safe friend :growing heart:
Rest yo’self comrade, all the good vibes :undefined:
I remember your original posts about your migraines and all that. All I can say is that I wish you the best and hope it will get better. As someone with general anxiety disorder and some form of physical disabilitiy (I think I’ve talked about it in some of my comments on this website, not sure though) it does get very hard sometimes and I also hate the trivialising of anxiety, it majorly effects the lives of the people who suffer from it and it’s not just “nervousness”. All I can say is just keep on going, one step at a time, and don’t be afraid to reach out. Also remember to advocate for yourself with regards to health matters, it’s very important in my personal experience. Sending hugs, and solidarity your way. :heart-sickle:
Thank you so much. Honestly you guys have been one of the few things that are keeping me going. I think I channeled a lot of bottled up frustrations and anxieties into the brain cancer narrative and ultimately it was a mix of things that motivated me to attempt. Once again thank you and as a fellow anxiety sufferer I hope ur doing fine urself too, feel free to PM whenever u need someone to talk to :)
Ya just hopping in to one-up the piece abt ppl trivializing anxiety; I also have generalized anxiety disorder, and social anxiety disorder, and bipolar II. Without a doubt, there have been times in my life where GAD has been more debilitating than bipolar. Anxiety ain’t no joke. I just hope everyone in this thread is ok and looking after themselves the best they can, and remembering to go easy on themselves :af-heart:
