I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ChickenWingPriest
Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest
Broke up with my girlfriend over tattoos. She no longer “agrees” with our breakup. Nuts.
Trigger Warnings: accusations of controlling behavior, emotional manipulation
Original Post: April 14, 2025
I want to preface this with a disclaimer that there is nothing wrong with having tattoos if you want and like them. They aren’t my thing. Please don’t take this as a condemnation of tattoos or the people that get them as a whole.
My ex and I were together about a year. Early on in the relationship she had mentioned wanting to get some tattoos. I told her she had every right to do so since its her body, but I find tattoos very unattractive and I would likely break up if she went through with it. It became a small fight and she was cold and passive aggressive about it for a few days, but eventually she said she understood and would not be getting the tattoos done.
Fast forward to about two months ago and she makes another attempt to get me on board with tattoos. I reiterate my stance and tell her again she can do it, but I won’t stick around if she does. I went out of town to visit my cousin for a week and come home to her with a partial sleeve done. Her arm was basically one big scab. I ask her what’s going on and she just nonchalantly says her and her best friend had talked and agreed I was being unreasonable so she went ahead and used my time out of town to get it done so I wouldn’t be around to be a “buzzkill” about it. She said she got as much as the guy was willing to do in one sitting inked and once she was healed she planned to get it extended.
The tattoo was already a dealbreaker for me, but the blatant disrespect and casual way she was implying my opinion didn’t matter broke my feelings for her right there.
We fought and eventually she just told me to get the hell out and locked herself in the bathroom. Thank god she did this when she did because I was close to not renewing my lease at my apartment and moving in with her. Packed my shit up and left while she shit talked me to her best friend on the phone. Dropped her stuff off from my place the next day. She told me I was making a huge mistake and throwing a good thing away for petty reasons. I just handed her the bag and left. That was weeks ago. Didn’t hear from her until today.
She called me. Here’s a very brief summary of the call.
Her: Ok the petty drama has run its course. You can move back in and move on ok?
Me: No we are broken up. It’s over permanently. I don’t want to get back together.
Her: We aren’t getting back together. This was just a spat that got out of hand. You freaked out and left in a huff. I know you’re just too proud to admit you’re wrong so we’ll just call it even and you can come back.
Me: No I told you repeatedly that tattoos are a deal breaker. You did it anyway and then disrespected me on top of that with the way you went about it. We’re done. You can move on now. Find a guy that finds your new ink attractive because I find it repulsive and wouldn’t be able to look at you or that arm again.
Conversation goes in circles for a bit before I hang up. Then she tries sending me some nudes in an attempt to seduce me, but her body does nothing for me now and her sleeve was visible which, even after it healed, was gross and unflattering. Told her I deleted them and to leave me alone. Blocked.
She then messaged me on a snap saying she never agreed to a breakup and I owed her a conversation face to face if I wanted to end things. Blocked again.
I know it’s bad form to be a guy calling his ex crazy, but this girl is nuts.
Edit: I find all the talk about me being shallow pretty funny considering she told me that if I ever gained weight or stopped going to the gym she’d leave me. Hell she put on weight throughout our entire relationship and it never once made me consider leaving her. I still found her beautiful. When she changed her hair color to colors that I didn’t like I never said a bad word to her about it. I was supportive. I didn’t like it, but it wasn’t a dealbreaker.
One last edit: This was great. Sub really is great for getting things off your chest (sub name and whatnot.) Had a lot of fun reading responses and while I didn’t need validation to know what I did was right I still appreciate the supportive folks. The negative ones accusing me of being shallow, controlling, weird, and all sorts of other things because I have a preference were fun too. Didn’t change my mind one bit, but I’m glad you guys were able to get those things off your chests as well.
Relevant Comments
Commenter 1: You two were just incompatible. Nothing wrong with breaking up over it. On to the next adventure!
OOP: Could you please let her know she’s supposed to be on a new adventure? She seems to think we’re still on the old one.
Commenter 2: I don’t understand your POV regarding tattoos but she’s delusional. With the way she handled this, there was no way the relationship would work out long-term so it’s best that it ended here.
OOP: It’s just a preference. Nothing too deep here. Just a turn off for me. I don’t think I’m wrong in any way for having this preference.
Commenter 3: It’s a bit weird to go from considering a tattoo to a complete sleeve. I could understand her thinking of we will get back together had she some small tattoo on her ankle or something.
I know I am definitely older than OP and his ex, but I’ve seen a few of these posts about one side not accepting or agreeing to a breakup. When did that become an option? Even when people said a breakup was mutual it never really was, but now apparently, they have to be?
OOP: Her original plan was a bunch of smaller tattoos around her body. One on each ankle, shoulder, and one on her lower back. Now she has a partial sleeve with plans to get the rest done over the next year or so. She didn’t even do any of the other ones she said she wanted initially.
Commenter 4: She will blame you as well, and many will side with her.
Be ready to say “Well, if you’ve already made your decision that I’m at fault without talking to me, then I want nothing to do with such a low quality friend of such poor character. I thought we were friends and I deserved my side. I guess you just suck as a friend.”
OOP: Strangely enough even her friends who have reached out to me said they don’t blame me. The only person who is on her side is her best friend. Even my friends with tattoos fully support my decision and don’t think I’ve been shallow or controlling as the commenters here seem to think.
OOP on his GF’s appearances and the changes if she made any
OOP: The thing is lots of other things changed that I didn’t like that I was ok with because I did like her and we did have lots in common. People are in this thread acting like I never cared about her and was looking for an out but I wasn’t. She gained weight (after telling me she’d leave me if I ever put on weight) and I never said a word. Still found her beautiful and wanted to be with her. Same thing when she kept changing her hair to colors I didn’t like. I was supportive because I cared about her. The tattoo was one of very few hard lines I had in the relationship and the only one that was related to physical appearance.
Combine that with the disrespect she’d shown me and the way she handled all this and it killed my feelings for her. Not because of the tattoo. If she told me she was getting that tattoo and put that ultimatum out there I’d have left but would have respected her decision and still cared about her. Would have tried to stay friends too if at all possible. But not now after everything she’s done.
This happened to my school mate. Hated tattoos but gf wanted a huge police shield because her dad is a cop. She was finally feeling comfortable around him and it lead to break up. Her previous bf beat her for every disagreement so it was very sad to watch on sidelines but also pretty nice to see he did help her find some backbone. No chance she would be able to do it with her ex. He just would have hit her.
I find his opinion on tattoos incomprehensible but there’s no mutual decision needed for a breakup. A relationship only happens with the consent of both parties and that consent can be withdrawn at any time.
Update: Broke up over tattoos. Ex no longer “agrees” with our breakup.: April 21, 2025 (one week later)
I came here a week ago to vent about a strange situation with my ex getting a tattoo and it resulting in us breaking up. Weeks later she acted like our breakup was just a spat and that I was being unreasonable. I told her we were broken up permanently and blocked her. She then tried to message me on other platforms demanding a face to face meeting because she never agreed to the breakup.
In the end the tattoo was a secondary cause of our breakup in my mind. She disregarded what we’d spoken and agreed about early on in the relationship. When I didn’t give her the supportive response she wanted she proceeded to belittle me and insult me then kicked me out of her home which we were close to having me move into full time. Then she locked herself in the bathroom and loudly insulted me while on the phone with her best friend whom had been the one to convince her to get the tattoo while I was out of town. At that point we were done. I took my stuff back to my place and brought her stuff from mine back to hers.
She showed up at my place last night with a bag full of my bathroom stuff from her place. Just a bottle of body wash and a few other things. She asked to come in and talk but I stepped outside and we talked out front where the cameras could see.
She asked if I was really breaking up with her over a tattoo and I reiterated that it was about more than the tattoo at this point. And that I wasn’t breaking up with her. I already broke up with her weeks ago. She tried to argue with me that our relationship was stronger than that but I told her that it wasn’t. That while I was comfortable with her this whole incident made me realize I wasn’t happy with her. Her treating me poorly was the wake up call we both needed to go our separate ways and find people we could be truly happy with. She kept trying to argue that this was crazy and I was throwing a good thing away.
I told her that I wish she’d just gotten the tattoo when we started dating. We could have broken up and just been friends. She said she’d considered it but decided she’d rather be with me than get the tattoo so she lied to me when she said she was ok not getting one. Then when I went on my trip her best friend convinced her to get it and claimed I’d get over it and stick around. Guy that did the first part of her sleeve was an old fwb of her friend and agreed to do it for a discount. Conversation sort of went in circles for a bit before she tossed the bag at me and left crying yelling “fine we’re fucking over then.”
So that’s that. She showed up at my place like a lot of people predicted, but no stabby stabs or anything. Friends told me she made a bunch of vague posts about heartbreak on social media but I haven’t seen any of it. Regardless of how things went down I hope she heals and finds herself someone who can be more supportive of her choices than I was.
Thanks to those people who offered me support for my decision. And to everyone calling me shallow, controlling, and weird for my stance on tattoos I gotta say I had a blast reading those comments. Absolutely hilarious.
Relevant Comments
Commenter 1: I got to know, if she had come home with a tiny barely visible tattoo on a place that is typically covered, would you have still broken up with her?
OOP: It’s possible I could have been ok with something very small and out of the way. It’s more likely I wouldn’t have been. But the fact is she wanted multiple tattoos over her body and I find ink unattractive. We talked about it very early on when we started dating and when I told her I didn’t like tattoos she lied and said it had been an impulsive idea and that she agreed and didn’t want one. If I had known she still secretly wanted the tattoo I would have encouraged her to get one but also wouldn’t have wanted to stay with her.
Commenter 1: It is a bold choice to come home to a man who says he won’t date a woman with a tattoo with a half sleeve!
How old are you both?
OOP: I’m 28 she’s 27. We’re both too grown for this.
Commenter 2: If all of those toiletries are replaceable, I would just dump them.
Don’t be surprised if she hasn’t quite grasped the fact that she is single yet. You may have to keep blocking her for a while yet.
OOP: I ran the bag out to the dumpster as soon as she left. I like the new stuff I picked out after the breakup anyway. I’m hopeful this is the last I see of her. Maybe she’ll find the tattoo loving man of her dreams soon.
OOP on the tattoo being the dealbreaker or any other nos that he has
OOP: The tattoo was the only dealbreaker I had in the relationship related to physical appearance. I also refuse to have kids, move away from my family, no cats (allergies), and a few other minor things all unrelated to how she looks.
Commenter 3:
She showed up at my place last night with a bag full of my bathroom stuff from her place. Just a bottle of body wash and a few other things. She asked to come in and talk but I stepped outside and we talked out front where the cameras could see.
Back in my day the excuse to come over would be a cassette tape, and then in the 90s a CD
Good thing yall don’t have kids because that becomes the anchor point, lol
OOP:
Good thing yall don’t have kids because that becomes the anchor point, lol
I thank the doc that did my vasectomy daily. He’s asked me to stop, but he really needs to know he’s appreciated.
Commenter 4: Her blaming the best friend is a big cop out, didn’t want to take any responsibility. Good luck with your future OP! Hopefully your ex learned what she needed to from this
OOP: Her best friend has been around for almost their entire lives and has a lot of sway over her decisions, but you’re right. She might have convinced her to do it, but my ex made the decision regardless.
Commenter 5: The first time I read the previous post I had a suspicion that the friend wanted the breakup to happen. Still kind of think that if not she really isn’t brightest bulb if she thinks someone will just get over a deal breaker that has been mentioned multiple times.
OOP: It’s strange because we actually got along well up until this tattoo business. She was pretty supportive of the relationship general. Hell she’s the only person other than my ex that tried to get me to move back in after the breakup.
Commenter 5:
only other one to try and get me to move back in
No offense but that’s not her being supportive of the relationship. It’s oh no I told my friend something and it turned out not to be true. She said you would get over the tattoo and you didn’t and now she is trying to change your mind. That makes it sound like she actually believed you would get over it and is now doing her best to “fix” the situation.
OOP: As unfortunate as that may be for her I’m glad she did it. This whole tattoo blowup was the kick in the pants I needed to make a change I wasn’t aware I needed to make.
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