Hi, I’m a canadian woman. This community, well, caught my eye, when I was browsing the list of communities on lemmy.ca. Anyway, given how toxic lemmy is as a whole, I’m really impressed that this is a very nice space you’ve made here. You guys need to spread the detox around more.
Lemme know how I can be an ally I guess
First off, I think I’d like to address the larger point of Lemmy’s toxicity.
I think Lemmy is quite unique in that while it is fairly progressive leaning, it also may be a rather poorly socialized overall. The whole selfhost/Linux community which is at the heart of Lemmy’s identity doesn’t exactly have a great track record of being super thoughtful in our communications.
There’s a persistent need to “be right” that is common here, because being intelligent and independent thinkers is part of our identity. But that can often manifest in toxic ways, and disrespectful communication. Many of us are trying our best to not give in to this toxicity, but it still does manifest regularly.
I think men’s lib spaces tend to be a bit more respectful because they acknowledge that the patriarchy affects them negatively as well, and this diminishes the hold of toxic competitiveness.
Anyways, enough about that, and on to your question.
IMO, the best way to be a good ally is to just participate earnestly. Part of being a man who acknowledges the damages of the patriarchy also makes it hard for them to be vocal participants in women’s spaces. That means that we often aren’t party to women’s perspectives, or don’t feel comfortable requesting more information, even though we genuinely appreciate your experiences and advice.
Women as a group seem to me to have a much stronger sense of camaraderie than men. The feminist movement is also much more developed as a resistance to patriarchal forces, whereas men’s lib doesn’t have nearly the same depth of development, as it’s a younger and less cohesive movement.
That’s why, just being present and willing to share your experiences and thoughts in an open manner is so beneficial.
In the spirit of earnest participation, I have a question: how do you compare yourself to MRAs? Do you find people assume you are bigoted for speaking up about men’s lib?
I personally consider myself a feminists and strongly believe in equality and women’s liberation as well, and I doubt you’d find those beliefs commonly in MRAs. While I’m not particularly familiar with MRA spaces, from the outside it seems like they often feel that women owe them something, and should perhaps even be subservient to men. I certainly find that view rather repugnant.
I haven’t personally experienced anyone considering me bigoted for talking about men’s lib, and also haven’t seen it much, if at all, inside our communities. I think that’s because men’s lib discussion tends to stay in men’s lib spaces. I recognise that women are the main victim of the patriarchy, and raising men’s issues in other spaces seems disrespectful. That’s why I think we don’t go out of our way to proselytise the way many other social justice movements might, so participant’s engagement is purely at their own choice.
There’s a persistent need to “be right” that is common here, because being intelligent and independent thinkers is part of our identity
I’m really glad you brought this up because I feel like I haven’t been able to put my finger on precisely why I sometimes feel intimidated about joining the conversation in certain communities
Active listening for supporting others. This is targetted at those with health issues, but it’s just in-general useful for making others know they are heard. Here’s another for making others feel seen or heard.
Its funny to me that men’s spaces on the internet often is pretty chill, while the opposite for the other people
Edit, approach us when you have a crush on us, no guy I know does hints well
I think it very much depends on the space and the culture it aims to cultivate. I don’t find them chill across the board.
Its funny to me that men’s spaces on the internet often is pretty chill, while the opposite for the other people
Depends. There are plenty of incel spaces all over the internet. There are also countless “boy clubs” (think certain online game communities) that are horribly toxic, especially to those who aren’t male (or weren’t born that way).
True, but often the don’t actively recruit by ads or anything and more happenstance
Oh yes, like the Linux Kernel Mailing List, for instance, renowned for its chill vibe.
Mainly talking about mens leisure groups like dull mems club here on lemmy
That’s a nice one, by they are absolutely the exception. Another cool one is !stick@sh.itjust.works. The other site had Just guys being dudes which was also cool.
