i’ve been feeling pretty out of whack since i stopped weed and started ritalin. i definitely feel like i’m functioning better day-to-day but my anxiety has been through the roof. i was able to go 6 weeks without any weed or alcohol and i think that might be the longest i’ve been sober in 5 years _yayy. i had the normal withdrawal symptoms like insomnia and loss of appetite but all that calmed down around week 4

i also mentioned having more frequent dizziness to my psych and he told me to check my HR with my GP and brought up the possibility of POTS (which after looking into, looks like i have most the symptoms of). at the appointment my GP kinda just brushed off the POTS thing and took my heart rate which was 150bpm. she said we’d check again in 4 weeks and if it’s still high probably reduce my medication. that freaked me tf out and made me buy a heart rate tracker to try to self-monitor. fingers crossed i can keep my meds cause they’ve been so goddamn helpful

so i’ve been taking some time off work and last week made my first open source contribution (using a language i haven’t used before) . definitely felt a lot better than the normal start side-project -> ditch it a few days later routine that i’m used to, especially since it’s an app i use regularly

also just started using a hair diffuser since realising that i got wavy hair. along with that, my hair is finally long enough to tie up into a ponytail! and holy jesus fuck it looks so hot now, i don’t know what to do

and to celebrate Weed Easter, we had a friend stay over on the weekend. we got really high, talked a bunch, i lost my voice, we went to the cinema to watch Flow, cried a bit, went home, got high again, watched ISTTVG, i cried a lot, we played mario party and ate lots of chocolate, then friend went home the next day. it was a really good time but damn i remembered how much i like to . oh well restarted the sobriety streak on Monday, maybe i can go longer than 6 weeks this run