I was too stressed from the layoff to eat and lost a lot of weight. My doctor said I may have cancer. I started going through tests ultimately to find out I am clear. My friend at the same time was diagnosed and died of cancer shortly after.

I found a job right away, but my other friend and coworker didn’t. For the last ~10 months I searched for jobs for with him until I knew he had healthcare and medicine.

That’s really stressful! I’m sorry you had to go through that.

I always found Buddhism interesting but a few months ago it just clicked. It was like I found where I should be. There’s no temple near me that is in English and I’m far too shy for a local community. I’m kind of following what I think is a path with no clear direction at times.

I’m glad you have found something you enjoy. I also became interested in Buddhism in a country that didn’t speak English so it was hard for me at first, but people were extremely welcoming. I advise you to seek out a local temple. Rarely do “ethnic” temples not have someone who speaks English. Personally, I find many Western temples to be too Buddhism-light for me so I prefer East Asian one’s. Finding a community as well as a tradition you connect with will be really helpful to you.

For instance near me there is a Chinese temple, Cambodian temple, Tibetan temple, a few westernized Zen and Vipassana temples, a Korean temple, and some odd ball cults. Having been to most of them I found the Chinese one to fit best for me because of the language and community but I find the westernized Zen one to have a deeper experience.

There are also some helpful Buddhist guides like the traditional Tibetan Lamrim(s) which has been translated into English many times. It is so intellectually stimulating and interesting to non-Tibetan Buddhists that the early 20th century Chinese Buddhists, such as Nenghai, who first encountered it became obsessed to the point of working on it’s first translations and devoting their lives to teaching its benefits.

I feel the need to solve the world’s problems. I just don’t know how. I don’t know where to start. I just want to help. And I want to be a better whatever I am.

I feel this very much too. A big goal for a Buddhist is to understanding suffering to free ourselves and all others. This is a big reason why I think Buddhism is right. Who could be against ending suffering?

I didn’t take any vows. I don’t really know how to proceed. Heck I don’t even think I meditate correctly. I’m still alive when others are not; and I want to take advantage of that. I want to make the world better.

The second chapter of Gampopa’s The Jewel Ornament of Liberation (a version of the lamrim) discusses fully how important precious human existence is and how we should take advantage of this opportunity to help the suffering of others. Your frame of mind is perfect :)

For meditation I would recommend either finding a teacher or following some online teachers:

• Assuming you’re in the US Zen Mountain Monastery is good
• Guogu at Tallahasse Chan he has a great lineage and is a smart academic
• and Korinji Monastery

Now that he is employed I feel like I lack a purpose. I wonder why I survived and thrived when so many others can’t. I really don’t feel I deserved that.

There isn’t any rhyme or reason to karma that we can understand. Best to try to be the best, most compassionate version of you.

Since I know we all love comments and they’re scarce on lemmy, I’ll briefly add that I read your post and connect with it a lot. I will write a better response in an hour or two :)

Thank you for sharing all of this with us, you’re going through a lot, and I give you my support for that. I think Buddhism can indeed really help you, if you are willing to be open about it. Helping others is a crucial point, but first it is important to “work” on yourself, understanding what is suffering, the origin of it and the way to end it. It is a long journey, but this is not only about knowledge, it is especially“practice” and experience of it. I highly suggest you “The Heart of the Buddha’s teachings” from Thich Nhat Hanh as a starter book, to understand what Buddhism is about in general and start applying its teachings in daily life. From there you may consider following a specific tradition.

Part of Buddhism is reaching an understanding on the essential relationship between good and evil, light and dark, etc. The two sides of all duality are complimentary and necessary. Happiness cannot be understood without sadness as a reference or background to contrast and compare.

However, an even greater understanding is the unified nature of duality, that they are both the same and different at the same time. One example is atoms, the structure and composition of atoms that makeup all material is consistent even though the material they comprise are seemingly different.

With this in mind, the idea that one could ‘solve the worlds problems’ becomes unnecessary. Evil will never overcome good, light will never overcome dark. The two are actually unified and inseparable. In Christianity, this message is often lost but if you look closely, its there:

Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.

In my personal journey into eastern philosophy, focusing on Buddhism, Taoism and Zen, I’ve relied heavily on Alan Watts audio lectures. I’ve listened to most of his work several times over and I find it the best way to get a high-level understanding of these topics which has then led me to dive deeper into translated versions of older philosophical texts.

You can find a collection of Alan Watts’ lectures here, they are a treasure of humanity: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1jdP5I__aKoDyMx7h4Y6B2J1ztTMjirhO

Namaste my friend, I pay respect to the god head present in you ☮