If you saw my previous post, this shouldn’t come as much of a surprise. Last time I tried doing something similarly suicidal, I was pretty much fine. I passed it off as alcohol withdrawal and was pretty much fine afterwards, no real hospital visit besides for getting shot up with some Ativan for seizures.

This time was not the case. I needed a breathing tube, I got completely sedated by medical professionals for the first time, I was on multiple IV fluids for a few days. I would have had to of been very passed out for them to be able to put a catheter in me without me trying to run lol. I came really close to dying this time. Part of me wants to downplay it but I really can’t because this is the worst it’s ever been. My past suicide attempts were things I was able to get myself out of, this one wasn’t the case. If I handled this like my past suicide attempts, I don’t know if I’d be alive.

The social worker said I probably earned myself some grippy socks (my words not hers lol) with ending up in the ICU and all. I’m really hoping they’ll just let me pass onto rehab instead, but oh well I’ll live with it if it happens. Idk, maybe they’ll let me smoke in there

Anyways, day 4 of no ciggies because they won’t let you unhook your IV to go smoke in the ICU, go figure. I want one so bad, but maybe this will be the excuse I needed to quit. Can only hope really.