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seahorse [Ohio]@midwest.socialM to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 2 years ago

Republicans Urge Americans To Look Away From McConnell Or Else They Too Shall Freeze

www.theonion.com

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Republicans Urge Americans To Look Away From McConnell Or Else They Too Shall Freeze

www.theonion.com

seahorse [Ohio]@midwest.socialM to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 2 years ago
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WASHINGTON—Following the second press conference in five weeks during which the 81-year-old was temporarily unable to speak, Republicans warned Americans Thursday to look away from Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) lest they too should freeze. “Good people! Gaze not upon the senator’s visage or you may be struck dumb…
  • DontTreadOnBigfoot@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    Looking more and more like the thing from Pan’s Labyrinth every day…

    • WarmSoda@lemm.ee
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      2 years ago

      I’m a marine biologist. It’s obvious he’s moulting.
      Its his radical final moult, metamorphosing from an aquatic nymph to a winged adult

      • Dharma Curious@startrek.website
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        2 years ago

        Is that why he must consume the souls of all the children? For energy for the metamorphosis?

        • WarmSoda@lemm.ee
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          2 years ago

          No, that’s silly.
          He consumes souls to power the deep machines in the darkness.

          • Dharma Curious@startrek.website
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            2 years ago

            Ah, I see. And who are you, who are so wise in the ways of science?

            • WarmSoda@lemm.ee
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              2 years ago

              I’m just a humble marine biologist.
              The sea was angry that day, my friends!

      • FarceMultiplier@lemmy.ca
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        2 years ago

        He has not yet attained his final formlessness.

    • killeronthecorner@lemmy.world
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      2 years ago

      I always thought he looked like a half filled balloon

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