Great grandpa started a security firm for banks and shit back in the day grandpa made friends during the war, next thing you know the entire family business is installing lasers and security cameras ans trapdoors and God knows what else in all these secret military sites or oil cleanup things that are secretly military sites. I had 2 uncles, Snarling Frog, the oldest and Boastful Boar being the youngest, my dad was a middle child. Anyways, they each got on different sides of the curtain, one had a gig with the cia, another was working with the soviets, same guy kidnaps the both of em 9 years apart and has them work on his fake oil rig. My dad went to go find em and ended out in this real mixed up outfit Zamzibar Land, child soldiers and shit, he went real Nic Cage in that War Lord movie. Me? I try to keep my nose a bit more clean than those guys, little less nose candy for this guy, ain’t the 80s no more. I get this real simple gig setting things up nice at this weapons disposal whatever in buttfuck Alaska. This place was so far from OSHA compliant I could not believe it was government. The elevators had an 800 lb weight limit, I’m sure that’s not accessibility compliant let alone practical and ladders going up 2-3 stories with no fall cages, bad show, really anyone trying to get in would probably just hurt themselves on that slippery ass helipad out front. I guess maybe they can use it in the summer? Anyways, I put all them cameras and traps in or I know the guy who did so ask me anything.
how do you find the right balance of camera coverage? I need to keep my secret military installation secure but im not trying to waste budget covering every inch of the site with cameras and then paying some shmucks 12$ an hour to watch all those feeds.
what’s your favorite trap? I prefer the classics myself, and anything involving lasers. funny story that’s how i got this eyepatch.
You wanna keep your surveillance camera count low. Keep them mostly in narrow corridors and near tight corners and make sure there’s more of them the closer you get to crucial command centers. Never ever install any outward facing cameras on the walls of any bases. You mostly want them directly beside doors so half of the the view is of the wall above the door. We also like to use a more cinematic lense so people watching the monitors keep paying attention, the fisheye we attach means it has a very narrow range of focus and cannot perceive a human body in a thick vest sidling along a wall beneath it. Every pro has its con right?
Lasers are for really important places. Like the pantry next to the bag of flour or between different sections of the building. The trick with lasers is they should always be at least 2 and a half feel off the ground. Wear a bulky jacket and lie down to check for that. If the laser doesn’t safely pass over you, it’s gonna get set off all the samn time by pests and you don’t need that. Best to have a good clearance over the ground with lasers. I Connected one to a system that seals the whole room shut and pumps poison gas into the room. Had to make the lasers move up and down for that one too. Good thing I was smoking or I wouldn’t have seen the beams and I’d have inhaled a bunch of poison gss.
How do you deal with snakes? I have an overabundance all over my
secret military installationshouse and they keep getting around my traps! I tried several different animals, like a raven, wolf, ocelot, and mantis, thinking they would try an attack, but one particular snake killed every one of them except for the ocelot. I’m at my wits end!So, we work security, not pest control. We’re focused on unwanted humans, not so much animals. My great uncle who defected to the Soviets was assigned to some weird special GRU unit and had to install a bunch of weird guerilla traps like spiky logs that swing down from vines activated by tripwires, holes to nowhere in the jungle and just normal trip wire explosives so this creep fuckin guy with yellow eyes and a forked tongue can ambush this poor kid. He did help best the nazis in ww2, so uncle Randy figured he knew what was going on.
Anyways, snakes were a real problem out in this Soviet tropical jungle. This place had snaked from all over the world! In general I hear it was a geographical oddity. So there’s the weird wild snakes that shouldn’t be there, but he hears from the other guys thst someone is trying to sneak through and one trick he’s been using it catching poisonous snakes out in the woods and then just throwing them at people! From my experience if snakes or people who associate with snakes in any way come by your work site, you’d best call in sick until you can find another contract my friend.
