Thanks sib. I think they have grown to accept me for who I am and that I am never going to conform, no matter what their brainworms tell them is important. They can also clearly tell at this point that I am neurodivergent and that they are too, so I think we’re in a pretty good ceasefire situation and are negotiating our peace, tolerance and individual happiness.
There’s been a lot of growth over the years. And a lot of me learning radical forgiveness the hard way. I refuse to be like them in their worst aspects and so in turn I will be the better person, be patient and kind and empathetic. Where they stopped in their personal growth and development I have interrogated my own worst impulses and learned to recognise my faults.
But I won’t take shit anymore, I set boundaries and when they are not respected, I either walk away or stand on business. I’m too old now for them to have that level of influence over me, too scarred to be further hurt and they are too old to take seriously anymore. And I think they find me weird, intimidating and impressive all at once. I think they can see that their fears were unfounded and that even in this hostile world I shine and am valued.
It’s a classic narcissistic family situation but I have learned to be a grey rock when I need to be, to be the parent to my own parents when I need to be and to be measured in my approach with the end goal of maintaining a cohesive and supportive family unit so my niece and nephew grow up with a healthier family dynamic than would exist otherwise and are more likely to not be subjected to the madness without a countervailing force of acceptance and genuine compassion as they grow into their own identities, whatever that might end up looking like.
But that’s just my story and how I’ve decided to handle my situation. Nobody should feel compelled by tradition, parental brainwashing or cultural values or any fucking thing to accept the unacceptable, to submit to abuse and manipulation, or to accept the role of being a victim in someone else’s neurotic unthinking perception of reality.
So fuck it. I gotta do what I gotta do. It’s a burden but it won’t last forever and it isn’t entirely a black hole of emotional energy, they are not evil people. But it would be equally valid for me to reject them entirely. I could exit this existence if I didn’t feel it was worth sticking around, and anything up to that extreme including homelessness is also an option that I can consider and weigh the benefits of vs how I choose to handle my reality.
In any case it was a very low / no contact relationship for a the better part of a decade while I worked on healing myself and then breaking myself and then healing again. lol. been a long road, but I’m tougher and wiser for the mistakes. Better equipped to help others.
And, to the point of this thread, I think I’m definitely in a position to affirm OP’s validity in rejecting their parents for any reason at all. We are not meant to be their canvases, their playthings, their trophies or anything else. If OP’s people are intolerable then they do not need to tolerate them. If I chose that path my life would look very different at various stages along my journey.
Their politics are all fucked up too. No theory havin mufuckas. But whatever. It’ll be our world soon.
Thank you for sharing. Would you mind expanding on what you mean by over-modified?
Was pressured into more body modification than was strictly necessary to solve my dysphoria. Gender essentialists like I said. Ya feel me?
I don’t want to get too into the details cuz it would sound more fucked up than it really is.
Well I’m sorry to hear that. You deserve people who value your spirit more than your body.
Thanks sib. I think they have grown to accept me for who I am and that I am never going to conform, no matter what their brainworms tell them is important. They can also clearly tell at this point that I am neurodivergent and that they are too, so I think we’re in a pretty good ceasefire situation and are negotiating our peace, tolerance and individual happiness.
There’s been a lot of growth over the years. And a lot of me learning radical forgiveness the hard way. I refuse to be like them in their worst aspects and so in turn I will be the better person, be patient and kind and empathetic. Where they stopped in their personal growth and development I have interrogated my own worst impulses and learned to recognise my faults.
But I won’t take shit anymore, I set boundaries and when they are not respected, I either walk away or stand on business. I’m too old now for them to have that level of influence over me, too scarred to be further hurt and they are too old to take seriously anymore. And I think they find me weird, intimidating and impressive all at once. I think they can see that their fears were unfounded and that even in this hostile world I shine and am valued.
It’s a classic narcissistic family situation but I have learned to be a grey rock when I need to be, to be the parent to my own parents when I need to be and to be measured in my approach with the end goal of maintaining a cohesive and supportive family unit so my niece and nephew grow up with a healthier family dynamic than would exist otherwise and are more likely to not be subjected to the madness without a countervailing force of acceptance and genuine compassion as they grow into their own identities, whatever that might end up looking like.
But that’s just my story and how I’ve decided to handle my situation. Nobody should feel compelled by tradition, parental brainwashing or cultural values or any fucking thing to accept the unacceptable, to submit to abuse and manipulation, or to accept the role of being a victim in someone else’s neurotic unthinking perception of reality.
So fuck it. I gotta do what I gotta do. It’s a burden but it won’t last forever and it isn’t entirely a black hole of emotional energy, they are not evil people. But it would be equally valid for me to reject them entirely. I could exit this existence if I didn’t feel it was worth sticking around, and anything up to that extreme including homelessness is also an option that I can consider and weigh the benefits of vs how I choose to handle my reality.
In any case it was a very low / no contact relationship for a the better part of a decade while I worked on healing myself and then breaking myself and then healing again. lol. been a long road, but I’m tougher and wiser for the mistakes. Better equipped to help others.
And, to the point of this thread, I think I’m definitely in a position to affirm OP’s validity in rejecting their parents for any reason at all. We are not meant to be their canvases, their playthings, their trophies or anything else. If OP’s people are intolerable then they do not need to tolerate them. If I chose that path my life would look very different at various stages along my journey.
Their politics are all fucked up too. No theory havin mufuckas. But whatever. It’ll be our world soon.