I’ve told myself and others that I don’t get bored easily. I can daydream through some experiences or I’ll distract myself with games, books, etc.

But I’m finding out that I’ve always had my hands full with an activity, doing more than one at once. Like playing animal crossing with a movie playing, and eating lunch. Of course, I end up missing conversations in whatever media I’m consuming.

It’s like I’m so good at distracting myself that I need something to catch my focus. If it’s boring or predictable, I don’t have to pay attention. I’ve had friends point out that I do things the hard way a lot.

I don’t want this feeling to be boredom because that feels like a moral failing. It’s thinking of people I care about and not being able to muster up enough compassion to give them my undivided attention. I can’t sit through a phone call and I wish I could.

I hate that it comes off as me being an edgelord sometimes. But it’s just me not reacting strongly.

Writing this, I realize how much of this is an attention disorder or something dissociative. I’ve carried these confused feelings about how I perceive myself and I’m only now starting to dismantle the shame.

And I’m probably going to look into helping my focus.

  • TraschcanOfIdeology [they/them, comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
    6·
    4 months ago

    I don’t want this feeling to be boredom because that feels like a moral failing. It’s thinking of people I care about and not being able to muster up enough compassion to give them my undivided attention. I can’t sit through a phone call and I wish I could.

    Hey, there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s actually a very common experience to people with adhd or audhd, and if you don’t want to call it boredom, you can call it stimming or dopamining. It’s not a moral failing on your part, it’s just the way your brain works.

    The result is the same: the current activity doesn’t stimulate your brain enough, so you go and look for something else to provide that dopamine hit. I don’t really have any advice, I struggle with it, too… But at least accepting yourself and being upfront about it with people you care about helps understanding that you mean no disrespect by it, or that you don’t care less for people or things just because your brain chooses to focus on other things.

    Forcing yourself to focus can be very painful, and even traumatizing, so watch out. I know because I tried for years, and it only ended with me burnt out and unable to live without masking, making me feel like shit all the time. Try to be gentle to yourself, and try to get advice by ND people for ND people. I’ve tried so many techniques for focus and concentration, and while they’ve worked for my NT friends, I can’t get to stick to them, they just make me feel like more of a failure, which is also showing some of that internalized ableism I have to work on.

    EDIT: I’ve been reading unmasking autism lately, and it has a lot of good advice on the whole “give yourself some grace and understand you’re not a lesser person for having a disability”, even if adhd people is not the intended audience. Maybe give the audio book a listen.

    • rando895@lemmygrad.mlEnglish
      4·
      4 months ago

      In a very stereotypical ADHD move, I saw your comment was long and didn’t read it before posting. But then I decided to read it anyway.

      I think the combination of our comments is quite nice: I very much try and share how I deal with my issues, while you posted a much more… Human response? Its important to be gentle with yourself (thanks for pointing this out).

      • TraschcanOfIdeology [they/them, comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
        4·
        4 months ago

        Lol I do the same all the time! In fact, it happened this time, too! I saw OP was hurting because she felt it was a moral failing to not be able to focus, and that she was failing her loved ones by not being able to give them her undivided attention, so I started typing a post thinking “I’ll give OP some tips, I know I have adhd, I should be able to help!”

        Then while typing the 2nd paragraph I realized I really struggle with what OP describes, and that right now I’m trying to figure out strategies that are not hurtful in the long run, or masking super hard, but I really don’t have any. So I turned my post into one saying “be nicer to yourself, and share your struggles with the people you care about, most of the time they’ll understand and work with you”.

        I really appreciate the practical advice, though. I’m going through the process of getting officially diagnosed with ADHD right now after masking and burning out for decades, so I’m a little bit new to figuring myself out with the knowledge of having ADHD, and I don’t have a lot of actual practical advice beyond “pretend to be neurotypical really hard and fuck yourself up in the process”. Which isn’t the best advice. On the other hand your comment was everything I hoped to be able to write from my own experience.

        I could see OP feels bad about not being able to focus, so at least I could offer some support and encouragement to make accommodations for herself and ask the same of others. ‘Unmasking autism’ has gotten me thinking about how we can make room for ourselves with our disabilities in our personal and social lives, because society sure as hell isn’t offering us that room to begin with.

  • rando895@lemmygrad.mlEnglish
    2·
    4 months ago

    Sometimes when speaking to those I care the most about, my brain turns to fire as I stop myself from finishing their sentences. Sometimes conversations are so boring I have to do something, so I might fidget, rub my finger nails (instead of biting them, nail polish made this much better), or only make intermittent eye contact.

    I have different types of music depending on the task I’m trying to complete, some tasks/activities I’ll have a podcast on for. And sometimes I try and give myself time to be “bored” (really its being alone with my thoughts and not relying on external stimulation).

    I have adhd. We all find ways to manage our symptoms when they are negatively affecting us and our relationships, and talking about it can help. So it might be worth getting assessed if thats possible for you. Regardless of the results, they should help you figure out how to manage things better.

    I think spending a lot of time on algorithm driven social media can also influence you to the point that you might exhibit some adhd tendencies as well.

    Bonus: issues with focusing is a key component to ADHD. If you’re looking for strategies with organizing, time management, etc., you can use ADHD strategies even if you don’t have it.